Friendships and moving

As I’m getting ready to leave Rochester, it occurred to me suddenly.  How am I going to leave all these people?  I know that when moving, it means leaving things behind but I’ve been so focused on my destination, I've pushed this part of the process aside.  I think it has also been a protective action, denial of what needs to happen.  I've moved around so much, that leaving things, people, and places behind has just always been a part of life.  But this is different.  This time I’m leaving as an adult, with invested time and energy into relationships that I want to last forever.  And I’m terrified.  Terrified I’ll never see them again, that I’ll lose touch, that I’ll miss these important moments in their lives and they in mine.

I've been putting this feeling aside and I didn't even realize it.  In this final week of preparing to leave, I've felt this anxiety and intense overwhelming ENERGY.  And I thought the main reason for it was just the stress of trying to get everything done.  Tying up loose ends.  But as I start to see people for what may be the last time in the foreseeable future, I’m feeling this dam break.  I've built this protective wall around my emotions about leaving my people, my lifeblood, and it’s starting to crumble.  

It’s funny, my friends and I joked that I’m not allowed to really drink during my going away party because I’ll probably end up a blubbering mess.  And I’d laugh and we’d all heartily agree.  But the sobering fact is, I need to deal with this emotion, process and share with those I hold dear.  Tell them,

“I am seriously going to miss you.  You have made this huge impact in my life that even I may not fully comprehend.  There is a part of my heart that I’m leaving with you.  Please take good care of it and help stay in touch so I know it’s well cared for.  And I will try my damnedest to do the same for you.  Know that you are with me, always.  I love you."

And these thoughts aren't just for those I’m leaving in Rochester, but all those who've touched my life and made me better for it.  Whether you’re in Pittsburgh, Florida, NYC, Seattle, Ohio, or already oceans away, I will truly miss you and hope our paths will cross soon and often.