Lessons of Burning Man

Hello everyone!  Yes, I am still alive.  I have survived another adventure on the Playa that is Burning Man.  ::grin::  And other than a brief brush with rebar and chapped lips, I am none the worse for wear.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Two sayings you hear a lot on the Playa is
"The burn gives you what you need, not what you want."  and
"The Playa will provide."

I've believed in the first one but always thought my needs and wants rather jived together.  I'd never been proven so wrong this year.  With my transition in progress, I was looking for the familiar: many new faces, lots of new adventures, and independent experiences.  The underlying theme being to go off on my own and discover whatever I could find.  Instead I found myself staying close to camp, bonding deeper with my campmates, and at times being content with just staying in one area for an extended period of time.  Initially this was hard for me to align with my notions of what I should be doing at the burn.  I felt like I was failing as a burner not to be constantly on the go.

As the burn progressed and I grounded myself, I found myself relaxing into these moments of stillness.  Recognizing the beauty of letting a moment deepen.  I discovered what it meant to breath deeply and experience the release of what that depth meant.  And I feel freer for it.

The aspect of the Playa providing for my needs came with a caveat.  I needed to actually voice my needs.  And if you know me well, this is something I constantly struggle with.  My girl Abby lovingly dubbed me Martha Monkey as I was constantly the go-to for whatever my fellow burners needed.  You need a lighter, wipes, water, safety pins, extra glow things?....you name it, I probably had it.  I took pride in being prepared for anything.  But it also had a price, and a weight (literally).  If you're always so radically self-reliant that you don't need anything, how do you truly bond with another person?  Allow someone in?

I didn't even realize how heavy the weight I was constantly bearing was, until someone took it off my shoulders.  Part way through the burn, I was dressed up in furs, el wire, and little else (no, there aren't any pictures...that I know of).  And I went out for the evening with someone who had what few necessities I truly needed.  I became Dangerous Sparkles, someone who I originally thought was just a persona but I came to realize was another aspect of myself that I hadn't explored.  Hell, I'd never even meet her.  And she was beautiful!  She was lighter, softer, still resourceful, but more open to a give-take balance with others.  I had a beautiful evening and began the start of something truly precious.

I know this post has been more philosophical than informative, but I'm still processing everything this burn brought forth.  I'm on my way to San Francisco as I type and will post pictures and my adventures at BM soon.  Much love to everyone and keep on burning!

Photo property of Kira Zebroski