Sitting in an airport

I think it was when I saw on the map that I was flying over Japan when it hit me.  I'm going to Thailand.  I'm going to Asia.  I am leaving the United States.  Scratch that.  I have LEFT the United States.  It's been a rather surreal journey and everything I've been doing for the past year has been in preparation for this.  The journey to this point has been incredible.  I'm not going to say wonderful because it would be a lie.  As my friends and cohorts can chuckle along with (I hope), there have been numerous ups and downs but I'm finally here.  On my way.

I've always been such a detail-orientated person and there are always a few more things on the "list" to get done.  So much extra I could have accomplished for this trip, but you know what?  It doesn't matter now.  I've set these wheels in motion and it's time to enjoy the ride.  

I don't know how long I'll be gone for.  Heck, I could take one step into Bangkok and turn right around.  But that's the fear of the unknown.  I'm terrified.  I'll be the first to admit it.  But when I see the transfer listings as I walked down the terminal in Taipei and see destinations for Okinawa, Singapore, and Hong Kong, I know it's only the fear of failing that makes me hesitate.  Just taking that step and I've won.  No matter what.  

It's interesting.  I was talking to my mom and she told me about a sermon my dad had given about letting go and giving things up.  And guess who he talked about?  ::grin::  But he also brought up a conversation he and I had back in college.  It had to be one of the hardest conversations I'd ever had with my dad, but also one of the most freeing.  I told him about my fear of letting him down, disappointing him if I chose not to go to grad school, didn't fulfill these expectations I felt he'd built up of me.  And he told me it wasn't him I needed to worry about disappointing.  This life isn't his to live, but mine.  The person I ultimately need to please in life was myself.  Wow!  It released something in me.  He gave me permission/blessing/trust to live my life as I see fit.  Thank you dad.

And now I sit in an airport, waiting for that next flight and the knots in my stomach and butterflies trying to make it up my throat are a reminder of the path I've chosen and I couldn't be more excited and more terrified.  A good combination.