Global Underscore

I feel so calm at peace right now.  Grounded.  I’d gone to the Global Underscore in Buffalo, my first global one, and the journey over those 4 hours was intensely beautiful.  I came in feeling rather drained and not sure how much I wanted to be near people.  Which is an interesting headspace to be in when you’re going to be doing contact improvisation.

These last couple weeks and the last few days in particular have been both amazing and overwhelming.  I knew coming back to the US would be a process.  The culture shock alone knocked me on my ass.  And then there’s the personal reaction with friends and family.  Life has continued on without me; dynamics have changed.  It’s all for the better but still an adjustment.  So much being thrown at me that the energy to deal is taking its toll.  I have to make sure my self-care is strong and consistent.

So back to the Global Underscore.  I arrived in the space unsure how my current emotional state and the environment would mesh.  I requested during opening circle to have some personal grounding time (a chance to arrive in the space) before we began triad body work.  The group was incredibly open and receptive to the ideas being given.  It allowed me a feeling of safety and acceptance as I explored my reactions.

The Underscore was grounding, allowing me to release into the moment.  Initially my body felt so heavy.  How do I work with movement in relation to this physical (and probably emotional) state?  This was first my struggle and then my triumph.  To release into what the body was feeling.  Demanding.  Forcing no movement and keeping it authentic to inner and outer stimuli.  

As I found the balance of grounding myself and relating to others in the space through a safe connection, I explored point of contact more than I ever had before.  Many of my dances in the past center around the push and pull of weight bearing.  There is more tumbling, lifting, posting, jumping...instead this became the hand dance using my entire body.  There was more exploration of the space between contact.  It continued to be dynamic which initially surprised me.

Throughout the jam there was also a recurring motion of shaking and tapping.  Stimulating shaking in others, tapping the ground, creating energy currents through multiple bodies.  It would rise and fall in diads and triads with others from the Underscore joining in for moments.  It reminded me of kundalini meditation aka the shaking meditation.  The idea of shaking your body to drum up energy, drum out thought, and just be present in your body with this sole action.

At the end of the session, I found myself more energetic and present in my space.  I wasn’t ready to run a marathon, but I felt filled.  Satiated.  I feel truly blessed to have been part of this group for the Global Underscore.  The safe container allowed me to release myself into the space.  To be truly authentic in the exploration my body’s reactions throughout this process.  Thank you everyone who was a part of this.  I am so incredibly grateful.

A glimpse of our Global Underscore setup

**Please note all photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

A Monkey and Her Backpack: a year in review (Part 2)

KOH PHANGAN

on the ferry to Koh Phangan

I arrived into Koh Phangan the end of September and I honestly didn't think I would be staying very long.  As fate would have it, I absolutely fell in love with the island and the opportunities that arose were ones I'd always wanted to explore: teaching contact improvisation, mediation, spirituality, diving, and so much more.  I felt the desire to immerse myself in this place and really explore the possibilities the island had to offer.  It was 7 months before I decided to leave the island and continue my travels.

In order to stay on the island, I of course needed some kind of income.  I didn't have much and I didn't need much; a roof over my head and food in my belly was sufficient.

who says you can't do CI at dinner??

The thing that inspired me to stay on the island was the ability to teach contact improvisation.  I ended up teaching an impromptu class when I met with Tatiana, the mutual friend of a friend.  The class loved what I'd done and asked if I could do more.  Tatiana was wonderful enough to let me stay in her place while I figured myself out on where I could teach and a job so I could live on the island.  I ended up teaching at two different locations as time allowed.  It's funny though, my first class was a disaster...no one came!!  I was frustrated but not discouraged and just took it as a learning experience.  Word spread and I had some lovely classes and jams while on the island.

my first poster I made as PR

working the bar on St. Patrick's Day

I ended up finding two very different job opportunities through two very different means.  I first found a bartending gig through a conversation Tatianta had with the owner of a resort while standing in line at the immigration office.  The only catch was I wasn't needed until the high season which started in the middle of December.  This was when I found the position of PR staff at a tantra/yoga school.  My job quickly became events manager and I took over bringing in and marketing new workshops and events at the school.  It was a rewarding and yet stressful job in major part because I was living at the school while I worked there.  As many of you know, I tend to take my work home with me as it is, so this was an even more difficult task.  I learned about many new types of meditation and healing and also about the lights and shadows of the spiritual community.  Unfortunately due to personality clashes, I cut my time at the school short and focused on self care and diving, a decision I don't regret.

Working at Seaflower Bungalows at their bar called Heaven (come on, who wouldn't love to say they get to work in Heaven every night?) located right on the beach, it was a relaxing and social job.  I met people from all over the world and perfected my caprinhia cocktail.  ::chuckle::  With beautiful beach sunsets every night and the occasional seafood BBQ, this was a dream job.  Like any bartending gig, the hours were crazy but I met so many people and built so many lasting relationships that staying up till 4am was well worth it.  I love my Seaflower family!!!

my first scooter!!

While on the island, I didn't just learn new things while on the job.  I also learned how to drive a scooter!!!  Cars aren't very popular in Thailand other than to transport goods and this is true even more so on the islands.  So Kira had to get on one of the back of these and eventually learn to drive so I wouldn't have to bum rides.  When I decided to stay on Koh Phangan for a while, I actually bought a scooter and then sold it at face value when I left again.  This is a pretty typical course of action for farangs staying long-term.

jellyfish sting my first day  :-(

motorbike accident and still smiling

Now an adventure wouldn't be an adventure without some physical mishaps on my part.  I tried to keep things on the down low until I'd recovered so as not to freak out the parents.  Shhhhh!!!  But they know I'd tell them if anything major was going on (right Mom and Dad??).  Anyway, true to form I was stung by a jellyfish my first day on Koh Phangan about 10 minutes after getting into the water for the first time.  Of course no one knew had to actually handle stings (including the locals running the front desk of my hostel) so I just waited it out and listened to music to distract from the pain.  NO, people!  I did NOT let anyone pee on me.  ::chuckle::  The air con at the 7/11 became my best friend and I actually went out dancing that night at the jungle party.  The jellyfish stings made for some pretty cool designs as it healed too.

Next was the UTI from hell which you can read in my other post Always an Adventure.  I then got in a motorbike accident a few weeks after buying my bike in late October.  Luckily it was just me involved but it was still a scary situation.  My brakes froze going down a steep hill that had a sharp turn and lots of gravel around a hole where construction had been happening earlier in the month.  Basically all the cards were stacked against me.  I was going down; it was just a question of when.  I had never been so grateful to contact improv with learning to fall correctly as I naturally protected my head and expanded my surface area when the bike finally tipped.  I had a lot more scratches but not nearly as deep if I'd had a small point of impact.  The worst was my side where the gravel shredded my skin.  I have a nice Koh Phangan tattoo now to show off when I wear my bikini.  ::chuckle::

birthday celebration at the Chocolate House

the closest I could get to a turkey on Thanksgiving

New Year's Eve buffet YUM!!!

Being abroad also meant celebrating the holidays island/Thai style.  I think the hardest part was not being around my friends and family during these different moments.  I made some wonderful friends but there is something to be said about family traditions at Christmas and a night on the town with my gals on New Year's Eve.

I also celebrated local festivals such as Loy Krathong, Songkran, the Colormoon Festival, and of course the infamous Full Moon Party.  You can read about my crazy experience in the bodypainting competition at the Colormoon festival HERE.

Many people confused Loy Krathong with the light festival which occurs in Chaing Mai around the same time.  This festival is also known as the floating lights festival, giving thanks to the ocean which provides so many gifts to the island.  We each light lanterns made from wood or coconut shells, decorated with banana leaves, flowers, and incense, and release them into the water.  You are supposed to leave a little of yourself with the lantern as part of the gift (a bit of hair, a fingernail).  With the intention to let go of the past and make a wish for the future, you set out the lantern in the present.  It was a beautiful experience both in having my own lantern and sharing this festival with locals and travelers alike.

Songkran is the Thai New Year and is celebrated with water... a lot of water.  I don't have many pictures from it.  In fact my camera had an unfortunate incident in which my dry bag sprung a leak.  ::sad face::  It still works but I can't use the display anymore.  Anyway, the water is meant to symbolize washing away the past year and starting fresh.  In present day, it has become an opportunity to use water guns, buckets, and hoses to soak those around you.  It doesn't matter if you're on a scooter or just walking down the street; NO ONE is safe!  ::laughs::  Locals will also mix water with a colored corn starch base and swipe on your face as a kind of blessing.  It was a great time even with the rain (the universe's joke on a day of water games).

my lantern for Loy Krathong

3rd Full Moon party

my first Full Moon party

body painting competition at the Colormoon Festival

Diving was something I've wanted to do for many years but despite my many wanderings, I've never lived near large bodies of water.  ::chuckle::  So living on a tropical island and near the top dive site in the Gulf of Thailand, I could finally take the plunge.  ::grin::  I went to Koh Tao for a week to get my Open Water certifcation.  It's known as the island to go if you want to dive and this monkey is always up for an extra adventure.  As recommended by a friend, I trained with French Kiss Divers.  I also want to send out a massive THANK YOU again to all of you who helped make this experience possible.  It was one of the most surreal, soul-inspiring experiences of my life.  To be underwater with a feeling of weightlessness, surrounded by brightly colored fish and coral, and the peaceful silence of only your breath in your ear....it was a practice in meditation I plan on doing as much as possible for as long as my body allows.  The dive shop was excellent and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to learn to dive while on Koh Tao.  Will, Oz, and the rest of the gang made my stay truly special and I was sad to say goodbye, but my new bartending job was calling.

my group with French Kiss Divers

Photo courtesy of Ian Hamilton Photography

Back on Koh Phangan, I started diving with Haad Yao Divers.  I discovered micro diving; nudibranchs and shrimp get me about excited as a giant school of barracuda!!  My fellow divers just sometimes just shake their heads with a grin.   I eventually was also able to get up to my Rescue Diver certificate when money and time allowed.  The more I have been in the water and shared the experience with friends, I've realized I want to do this professionally and slowly (much slower than I'd like!) I am working towards owning all of my own equipment and getting the training I need to work in a dive shop.  Even a bad day of diving is better than a great day in the office.  ::grin::






I had many other adventures during my time on Koh Phangan.  A group of us climb to Khao Ra, the highest point on the island.  A 3 hour hike through a jungle and probably the most interesting aspect was wearing shoes for the first time in 4 months.  I had blisters for weeks!!  I also introduced locals and travelers alike to jello shots (or jelly shots as Europeans call them).  It's rather funny to share these during my travels and see each person's expression.  ::chuckle::

JELLO (JELLY) SHOTS!!!!

Fire show on Sairee Beach, Koh Tao

Khao Ra, the highest point on Koh Phangan

While on Koh Phangan, I also had to do 2 visa runs to Penang and 2 visa extensions on Koh Samui.  You can read about my first adventure to Penang HERE My second time was eventful in a different kind of way.  By a random series of events, I missed getting to the visa office on the first day by 2 minutes and so had to stay almost a week instead of the planned 3 days.  On the bright side, it gave me an opportunity to explore Georgetown a bit more.  I also met some wonderful locals who took me for a few nights on the town.  Let me know if you want more details on those crazy nights.  ::wink::

Trying to figure out where we are.   Penang, Malaysia

Penang, Malaysia

Penang, Malaysia

Unfortunately my time on Koh Phangan drew to a close in April as the high season ended.  I had found a new love of diving and wanted to pursue it further.  I was also ready to move on and experience more of what the world had to offer.  It was a hard decision as I'd made many dear friends on the island.  My final night was a celebration of getting my rescue diver certificate, another diver getting his DM, and my goodbye to the island.  There were a lot of drinks, seafood to put in the belly, and even some slightly drunken tap dancing (I still need to put up the video).  ;-)  And as tradition of the island, I lit my first and last paper lantern.  And in typical Kira-fashion, I also broke tradition by having all the friends around me help to send it off.

my "goodbye lantern"

And so my stay on Koh Phangan ended.  I was off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to figure out my next move.  The world was once again my oyster and Monkey was hungry!!  Stay tuned for Part 3 to catch up on the remainder of my first year abroad.

**Please Note: All Photos are Property of Kira Zebroski**
unless credited otherwise

Deep Breaths

As I sit here typing this post, finishing my tea, and enjoying wonderful company, I just experienced a moment of gratefulness.  Grateful to be on this island.  Grateful to be a part of this school.  Grateful to be in this familial community where I can process and fully be in the moment with my emotions.

Life is always full of ups and downs and this period in my life is no exception.  I've hit a particularly rough patch, but the universe has a way of helping you be in the right conditions to deal with it (the caveat of course being that you are willing to access those resources).  I know if I'd been in the default world, I would have bottled everything up and tucked it away with the intent of dealing with it later...if at all.  And it would have fermented and festered until one day the pressure would grow too great and it would explode, burning all those around me with it's acidity.

But luckily I'm NOT in the default world.  Or rather, my default world has become a tropical island with people all around me actively striving to heal and open themselves up to the present moment.  To teach others to do the same.  Including me.  I'm learning how to be open to the emotions my body wants to feel right now.  Cleanse.  Reconnect.  Be at peace.  I can't say the process is pretty but in those moments I truly give myself over to the experience, there is beauty in the upheaval.

But why write about all this right now?  Well, I had one of those messy, soul-cleansing experiences tonight and with all the rawness and vulnerability that went along with it, I need to process and I want to share this with others i.e. you all.

I had a good friend at Burning Man introduce me to the importance of deep breathing.  Accessing the full range of our breath both on the exhale and the inhale.  I learned that when I access this extra portion of my lungs, I burp.  It became a bit of a running joke but also an indication of when I'd hit a particularly deep moment and released myself fully into an experience.  Arriving onto Koh Phangan and taking some of the workshops here, I was able to continue my work on the deep breath.

But lately I haven't been able to access that extra portion.  In fact, I've felt a massive blockage to a large portion of my breath.  And I've been fighting with both the reasons behind this blockage and my body's response to this blockage.  I've felt disconnected from my body in about every way possible, something I haven't experienced this fully since my college days.  And all these wonderful workshops I'd been participating in seemed to only further point out my failure to reach that breath and instead express emotions I didn't want to feel.  I was out of my body and in my head, the exact opposite of where I needed to be.  To say I was frustrated would be a gross understatement.  I wanted to be better, and I wanted to be better NOW!

After talking with a mentor about meditation and some of the frustrations I'd been feeling, it was decided I would take all the classes specifically involving deep breathing.  And I found myself in the sudarsan kryia class aka the toilet paper class.  It was uncomfortable.  It was awkward.  And there were moments I didn't think I could take another breath.  But as the chanting continued and our teacher pushed us to give it our all ("if not now, when?!), I felt something inside my chest loosen.  And what happened?  I felt these massive bubbles of air rise up out of my chest.  I burped!  I don't know if those around me heard and I can't say that I really cared.  I was so grateful in that moment to be accessing the deep breaths I'd missed so dearly.  I'd been given the tools, assistance, and push to let my body experience all the messy, ugly, unwanted emotions it needed to feeling.  And in doing so, I was more ME than I'd been recently.

As the class came to a close, I was inclined to retreat into myself and process this experience on my own.  Lick my clean but open wounds in private.  But people were open and inviting to continue our connection and I was slowly coaxed out of my protective shell.  I was given the encouragement to continue that vulnerability with safe people.  And this is how I found myself drinking wonderful tea, sharing music that touches the soul, and energy that warms the heart.  I can't access that extra portion of my breath right now but I find I'm not as worried.  It will come with time, love, and patience.

I am truly grateful for all that has been brought into my life.  The good and the bad.  The beautiful and the ugly.  I'm truly reminded how life takes us on a path of lessons.  The question is whether we are willing to learn what it can teach us?

Photo property of Kira Zebroski