A time of anniversaries

You know that feature on Facebook that shows you memories of posts and events that happened in past years on this day?  I sometimes get a kick out of seeing what was going on, especially from college when Facebook was so different then.  Heck, I was so different!

Today had some sweet reminders.  A friend's wedding pictures, a message written in the sand, and a creepy recipe just in time for Halloween.  One post however, was unexpected.  A reminder that 7 years ago, my world was rocked and the results set me firmly on a path that led me to where I am today.  

Just over 7 years ago, I was working a steady job I could picture staying with for the rest of my life.  I was looking at buying a house and finding permanency in a town I adored.  Then I got sick.  I don't even know if sick is the right word.  That makes me think of viruses and antibodies and take enough medicine so you'll be better.  This was nothing like that.  This was a waiting game and the unanswerable question of "Why?"

With it came a shift in priorities.  A feeling of restlessness.  A realization that you can be a healthy 24 year old who can still have a brush with mortality.  That life is too short to put off dreams you'd do "someday."  And so I stopped looking at houses.  Eventually I started looking at jobs that would allow me to travel.  And one day I sat down with a friend who asked me what my ultimate dream would be to do with my life.  Who then called me out on my excuses for why I wasn't pursuing that dream.  

Just over 4 years ago, I fulfilled that dream.  I left the US with just a backpack (okay, maybe a big backpack and smaller one) and started to travel the world.  I've lived in 5 different countries, become a certified PADI Dive Master, learned to ride a scooter, discovered that oreos are a universal treat, hugged a koala, been to visit the States twice, and so many other memories and events too numerous to count.

But traveling isn't just about the crazy stories and epic adventures.  There are the lessons learned.  About other countries, other people, other beliefs, other things outside of my own little bubble.  Expanding that bubble and in the process learning more about myself.  The power of silence.  Learning to be in the moment with my body, mind, and spirit.  Finding the balance of planning and going with the flow.  Realizing that my overall well-being is more important than a paycheck.  That always on the go is fun, but some constancy also has its place.  Having the ability to say yes and the choice to say no is a freedom like no other...And the lessons continue (and re-teach if I didn't learn it the first time).  ::grin::

So as I write from the comfort of my trailer in Kanagawa and get ready for bed to prepare for a new week of teaching English at my Japanese international kindergarten, I can't help but feel awe for how an event 7 years ago changed my life in more ways than I could have imagined.  As Corrie Ten Boom's sister said, "Thank you for the fleas."

2 year anniversary

Hi everyone!!  I know this has taken a while for me to get out.  And here I thought it would be easier and faster since I made a video.  I guess I should take into consideration bad internet connection next time.  ::chuckle::  Oh well!

Here it is!  A rather long video of me putting some thoughts out there about the last 2 years of traveling and an update (sort of) on where I'm headed next.  In true Monkey fashion, I ramble a bit but I figured it makes the video all the more endearing....maybe.  ENJOY!!

I also have a small compliation of some videos I've done while traveling if you're interested.  I have many I still need to put up but it's been put in the "to-do" list like so many other things.  

Youtube vlog

Thank you again for everyone's continued support and love.  It really helps keep me going in times when I wonder what the hell I was thinking leaving everything behind.  ::laugh::  Lovelovelovelovelove!!!!!

Hitting a wall

I’ve hit a wall.  A rather reoccurring one here in Australia.  Work.  Finding work that doesn’t involve me performing sexual acts or selling my soul at a call center or door-to-door sales.  The problem I keep running into is time.  Time enough to train me.  Time enough to be useful.  I was willing to stay 6 months in Brisbane, the max I could work for a company while on a Work and Holiday visa.  I had 4 months to offer when I first arrived in Melbourne and now I’m down to just over 3.  I’m tired of having my resume handed back to me with a shake of their head, both of us disappointed.  

After another rejection, I hit my breaking point.  Tears started to come and I just needed to get away.  I was frustrated, tired, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the house and fiddle on the computer.  I told Tim since he was going to paint, I was going to keep biking.  He could tell I was upset; I wouldn’t look at him.  I told him I didn’t want to talk about it.  He pushed and I repeated myself a bit firmer and kept riding, telling him I’d see him in a few hours.  I knew he’d be concerned but I needed the space.  True to it, he tried to ask me what was wrong when I got back, expectantly waiting for an answer.  I told him I still needed space and still didn’t want to talk about it.  I feel like I should feel guilty but I know that’s not true.  And it’s another emotion I’m battling with.  Guilt.

I went riding for a while, not really sure where I was heading.  I just needed to move and be out, let my brain have a rest.  It tends to figure itself out more easily when I’m moving.  I didn’t feel the need to expel large amounts of energy.  If anything I felt tired.  I stumbled upon a labyrinth and it was exactly what I needed.  In a marshy area by the creek, it’s raw setup appealed to my jumbled brain.  I parked the bike, dropped the bag, and just walked.

I don't know if you’ve ever been in a labyrinth, but it’s meant to be a meditative practice.  Focusing on your breath and steps, letting your body relax.  There was a dedication stone at the mouth of the labyrinth and it’s words brought tears to my eyes.  It spoke of release and remembering hope.  I felt like it was written for this very moment of my life.

As I walked, tears fell and dried.  Breath hitched and evened out.  Steps felt surer as I progressed.  I arrived at the center, took a deep breath, and sat down.  I felt calmer.  Ready to sort through my problems and try to come up with some solutions.

I thought of Tim and our relationship and the stress it was causing me.  I’m couchsurfing at his house, but I am beginning to feel like I am mooching off of his good graces.  I am feeling like I am receiving more than I am giving and that’s not a comfortable feeling for me.  A vulnerable and dependent feeling.  I feel like our relationship is unbalanced and this has been causing me stress.

The other stressor is money.  But what about it is causing me stress?  I don’t need a lot and true enough I’ve lived on less.  But it goes to two concerns: the feeling of contribution (or lack) to the household with Tim and saving for my next destination.  I have a finite time to make money here and Japan is expensive.  Time is shrinking and I’m feeling the pressure.  Watching time slip away as I think of all the work I could be doing and therefore the money I could be making.  

I realized I am doing everything I can.  I need to not lose heart and trust that something will come up.  To continue to explore the options I find and know things will work out.  I made a list in my head of a few things I could do and to promise myself I’d follow through with them.

I decided to walk in reverse back out of the labyrinth.  One final time to gather my thoughts.  Afterwards I went to look at a tree nearby with notes and Tibetan prayer flags strung amongst the branches.  Upon closer inspection I saw they were wishes.  Written on paper, cloth, even a shoe lace, and the tree itself, the wishes were mostly for the world.  I felt a bit selfish for a moment that my wish was more self-directed, but accepted we all have moments of self vs. universal reflection.

I reaffirmed my wish I’d discovered in the labyrinth and wrote it on the discarded resume from earlier.  Strung it up on some empty yarn and I was ready.  Getting back on the bike I left the creek path and meandered my way back to the house.  I knew the first thing I needed to do when I got back was write everything down.  To physicalize my realization and cement my affirmation of acceptance and patience.  And now I have.

UPDATE: I wrote this post about two weeks ago. I'm happy to say I've found a job since then, albeit only a 6 week contract. I'm just happy to be working. Cheers everyone!!!

**Please Note: All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Finding my marbles

I know there's the old saying of "losing one's marbles."  It indicates the person is slowly losing their mind or has already lost it.  I personally always got a kick out of the reference in Hook when Toodles exclaims how he'd lost his marbles.  ::chuckle::

What does it mean then if you find them?

During my travels this last year, I've periodically found marbles in my path.  They've been in busy streets, sandy beaches, dirt roads on an island of 200 people, under beds of hostels I'm staying at, and piers when I get off the boat from diving.  The marbles come in different colors and conditions.  I once found a marble that looked whole; upon picking it up I discovered it was broken in half.  Another time I found a completely blue marble similar to one described in a book I'd been reading and later dreamt about.

I just found one last night walking down the main thoroughfare of Kota Kinabalu.  I don't know what they mean.  They could represent a lesson learned or an indicator of good things to come.  I just continue to collect them as I stumble across each one, wondering about its story and where it came from.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Month 1

It's hard to believe my first month in Thailand and abroad is coming to a close.  Yes, I did say first month.  I'm heading to Penang, Malaysia tomorrow to get a proper tourist visa and will be back in Thailand for the near future.  Where am I exactly?  I'm currently on Koh Phangan, an island on the southeastern part of Thailand.  I've been here for the past 2 and a half weeks and am looking to stay for at least the next 6 months.  I managed to find some great work exchange with a health and wellness school called Samma Karuna and will be helping with their publicity and PR.

www.maps-thailand.com

As I look over this last month, I want to share with you all some things I've learned.  Some of them are little gems shared with me and others I've learned for myself.

• Internet is incredibly easy to access just about anywhere you want it.  Quality of connection is another matter.
• If you don't know what to order, pad thai is always a safe bet.
• If you're wearing giant army boots, it's a given that you're a tourist.
• Be sure you have a 3-prong adapter with you, especially when you discover your computer happens to need one.
• Deer can open up tent doors.  And if you try and lock it, they will just tear a hole in your tent.
• There are dirty old men no matter what country you're in.
• If you order buckets (picture beer in a pitcher but rather cocktails in a small kid's sand bucket), be prepared for an epic night.
• I CAN survive on a scooter going up and down steep hills.  I can even give a friend a ride!
• I have the capacity to love and be loved.
• The gecko/lizards make cool clicking noises that also sync with their tail movements.
• Jellyfish stings only hurt for a couple of hours.  About 10 days later they also itch like mad!
• If you put your needs out into the universe, it will meet those needs.  It just may take some time and down a different path than you expected.  (I know I learned this at Burning Man, but it's nice to know it also happens off the Playa).
• Buddhist chanting is beautiful....but not at 3 am.
• If you want to travel somewhere quickly, take the bus.  If you want to travel somewhere and meet a lot of cool people, take the train.
• There are two kinds of Thai food: "It's good for you to eat" or "You don't eat that".
• You may be the tourist, but locals like to take pictures of the oddities i.e. YOU, just as much as you do.
• If you love someone enough, their happiness becomes so important to you that you're willing to let them go in order to ensure their happiness.
• Don't be afraid to climb the boulders; you never know what you'll discover on the other side.
• Sometimes finding the perfect spot to watch the sunset is the biggest challenge you'll face for the day.
• Don't bother wearing a watch on an island.
• 7/11's in Thailand are like Starbucks in the US.  They also sometimes give you your change back in stamps.
• The Irish can say any curse word and make it sound cool.
• If you drink it, it comes with a straw (or a glass...or both).
• Sometimes you just need to go for a walk.

But most important of all.

Don't forget to just be in the moment.  Take it one day, one minute, one second at a time.  Plans change but new doors always open.  It's up to you to walk through them.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

My awesome wander-nut from Burning Man.  It's been through a lot.