Always an adventure

I never do anything half-assed and I should have known getting something as simple as a UTI in Thailand would be no different.  ::deflecting motion with my hands::  I’m fine.  I’m in one piece.  My kidneys just decided to let me know they were unhappy with me.

With all the changes in my life, there were bound to be some physical repercussions.  Having a secure go-to space and a steady supply of water meant I’ve slowly used my water bladder (similar to a camelbak) less and less.  Combine that with it being very difficult to get cranberries on the island (or in Thailand in general), and voila!  UTI-topia.

When I first realized what was happening, I figured I could flush it out.  Lots of water and a mission for cranberries.  A bit late in the game, I discovered you can get them at a pharmacy (or at least pills) and they don’t come cheap either.  Ladies, take note!  Apparently keeping hydrated didn’t help as about 2 days later, I started to get pain in my abdomen.  I don’t like making mountains out of molehills so I was just hoping it was a result of a lot of water and being hungry.  But over the course of an hour, it became very clear that something more was at work here.  To describe the pain, it was like someone was trying to shove their hand through the right side of my abdomen and it was starting to spread to the same position on my back also.  Hospital time!

Two good friends took me to the hospital on a motorbike with a sidecar.  Probably one of the longest rides ever, I spent it doubled over trying to battle the pain and staying seated on the sidecar.  I was terrified it was appendicitis or some other crazy, random, medical condition completely unrelated to the UTI.  If you knew my history, this concern isn’t completely unfounded.  ::grimace::  They wheeled me into what I later discovered was called the Mass Mortality room, their version of an ER.  The name did NOT inspire much confidence and I’m secretly hoping it’s just a poor translation.

They couldn’t give me anything for the pain until they knew what was wrong so they took blood samples and had me pee in a cup.  It took them several tries to get a vein and I lost count of how many times they tried to read my blood pressure.  I remember laughing with tears in my eyes, teling them to just let me do it since I used to have to take BP at work all the time.  And us silly US people with our Imperial system vs the metric system.  I have no idea how much I weigh in kg!!  Trying to explain I literally had no idea how much I weigh was an interesting interaction.  They also wanted a urine sample and here’s something interesting.  There is no toilet paper, hand soap, or any type of towels to dry your hands at the hospital but they have all of that in the grocery stores.  ::"thinking hard" face::  Sit on that one for a while, people.

Tests results and a visit from the good doctor and...It’s just a UTI!  Praise the universe!!  I’ve gotta come back and get an injection for the next two days (via IV, which they’ve left in) and given some pain killers for when needed.  I’m still in pretty intense pain NOW so the nurses got permission to give me something intravenously.  I don’t know what they gave me, but DAMN!!  First off, it felt like someone was pushing bits of metal wire through my veins as they injected it.  And then I could literally feel it as it traveled through my body.  When it hit my head, I felt immediately dizzy and nauseous.  I was still in pain but now completely out of it too.  A ride back to SK curled up on the floor of the cart and then help getting into bed because I couldn’t even walk.  At least by that point I wasn’t in pain anymore but I also couldn’t have told you my head from my foot.  

Fast forward to the next morning with an uneventful night and I didn’t know what day it was or where exactly I was.  My lovely Dina brought me oatmeal with bananas (yes, you heard that right.  Bananas!  More on that later).  And I couldn’t control my body.  I finally was able to hold the spoon but every action was an effort.  Thankfully I was too out of it to realize how out of it I was and didn’t freak out.  It was frustrating, or rather, a part of me knew I should be frustrated but that’s about as far as it went.  I would suddenly start staring at the spoon or start a sentence, only to stop partway through.  It would have been entertaining if it wasn’t so sad.  ::dry chuckle::  I spent most of the day sleeping and it wasn’t until the next day that I really felt like I had my body and mind back.  Whew!

Went to the hospital twice for injections and after another urine test, I was given the clear from the doctor.  By mouth antibiotics for 5 days and strict rules on my bathroom habits.  ::fist pump::  Alright!!

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

And my first trip to a Thailand hospital came to a close.

Update:  Unfortunately I missed the people at the hospital so much that I felt the need to go visit them again a few weeks later.  More to come!

Deep Breaths

As I sit here typing this post, finishing my tea, and enjoying wonderful company, I just experienced a moment of gratefulness.  Grateful to be on this island.  Grateful to be a part of this school.  Grateful to be in this familial community where I can process and fully be in the moment with my emotions.

Life is always full of ups and downs and this period in my life is no exception.  I've hit a particularly rough patch, but the universe has a way of helping you be in the right conditions to deal with it (the caveat of course being that you are willing to access those resources).  I know if I'd been in the default world, I would have bottled everything up and tucked it away with the intent of dealing with it later...if at all.  And it would have fermented and festered until one day the pressure would grow too great and it would explode, burning all those around me with it's acidity.

But luckily I'm NOT in the default world.  Or rather, my default world has become a tropical island with people all around me actively striving to heal and open themselves up to the present moment.  To teach others to do the same.  Including me.  I'm learning how to be open to the emotions my body wants to feel right now.  Cleanse.  Reconnect.  Be at peace.  I can't say the process is pretty but in those moments I truly give myself over to the experience, there is beauty in the upheaval.

But why write about all this right now?  Well, I had one of those messy, soul-cleansing experiences tonight and with all the rawness and vulnerability that went along with it, I need to process and I want to share this with others i.e. you all.

I had a good friend at Burning Man introduce me to the importance of deep breathing.  Accessing the full range of our breath both on the exhale and the inhale.  I learned that when I access this extra portion of my lungs, I burp.  It became a bit of a running joke but also an indication of when I'd hit a particularly deep moment and released myself fully into an experience.  Arriving onto Koh Phangan and taking some of the workshops here, I was able to continue my work on the deep breath.

But lately I haven't been able to access that extra portion.  In fact, I've felt a massive blockage to a large portion of my breath.  And I've been fighting with both the reasons behind this blockage and my body's response to this blockage.  I've felt disconnected from my body in about every way possible, something I haven't experienced this fully since my college days.  And all these wonderful workshops I'd been participating in seemed to only further point out my failure to reach that breath and instead express emotions I didn't want to feel.  I was out of my body and in my head, the exact opposite of where I needed to be.  To say I was frustrated would be a gross understatement.  I wanted to be better, and I wanted to be better NOW!

After talking with a mentor about meditation and some of the frustrations I'd been feeling, it was decided I would take all the classes specifically involving deep breathing.  And I found myself in the sudarsan kryia class aka the toilet paper class.  It was uncomfortable.  It was awkward.  And there were moments I didn't think I could take another breath.  But as the chanting continued and our teacher pushed us to give it our all ("if not now, when?!), I felt something inside my chest loosen.  And what happened?  I felt these massive bubbles of air rise up out of my chest.  I burped!  I don't know if those around me heard and I can't say that I really cared.  I was so grateful in that moment to be accessing the deep breaths I'd missed so dearly.  I'd been given the tools, assistance, and push to let my body experience all the messy, ugly, unwanted emotions it needed to feeling.  And in doing so, I was more ME than I'd been recently.

As the class came to a close, I was inclined to retreat into myself and process this experience on my own.  Lick my clean but open wounds in private.  But people were open and inviting to continue our connection and I was slowly coaxed out of my protective shell.  I was given the encouragement to continue that vulnerability with safe people.  And this is how I found myself drinking wonderful tea, sharing music that touches the soul, and energy that warms the heart.  I can't access that extra portion of my breath right now but I find I'm not as worried.  It will come with time, love, and patience.

I am truly grateful for all that has been brought into my life.  The good and the bad.  The beautiful and the ugly.  I'm truly reminded how life takes us on a path of lessons.  The question is whether we are willing to learn what it can teach us?

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Month 1

It's hard to believe my first month in Thailand and abroad is coming to a close.  Yes, I did say first month.  I'm heading to Penang, Malaysia tomorrow to get a proper tourist visa and will be back in Thailand for the near future.  Where am I exactly?  I'm currently on Koh Phangan, an island on the southeastern part of Thailand.  I've been here for the past 2 and a half weeks and am looking to stay for at least the next 6 months.  I managed to find some great work exchange with a health and wellness school called Samma Karuna and will be helping with their publicity and PR.

www.maps-thailand.com

As I look over this last month, I want to share with you all some things I've learned.  Some of them are little gems shared with me and others I've learned for myself.

• Internet is incredibly easy to access just about anywhere you want it.  Quality of connection is another matter.
• If you don't know what to order, pad thai is always a safe bet.
• If you're wearing giant army boots, it's a given that you're a tourist.
• Be sure you have a 3-prong adapter with you, especially when you discover your computer happens to need one.
• Deer can open up tent doors.  And if you try and lock it, they will just tear a hole in your tent.
• There are dirty old men no matter what country you're in.
• If you order buckets (picture beer in a pitcher but rather cocktails in a small kid's sand bucket), be prepared for an epic night.
• I CAN survive on a scooter going up and down steep hills.  I can even give a friend a ride!
• I have the capacity to love and be loved.
• The gecko/lizards make cool clicking noises that also sync with their tail movements.
• Jellyfish stings only hurt for a couple of hours.  About 10 days later they also itch like mad!
• If you put your needs out into the universe, it will meet those needs.  It just may take some time and down a different path than you expected.  (I know I learned this at Burning Man, but it's nice to know it also happens off the Playa).
• Buddhist chanting is beautiful....but not at 3 am.
• If you want to travel somewhere quickly, take the bus.  If you want to travel somewhere and meet a lot of cool people, take the train.
• There are two kinds of Thai food: "It's good for you to eat" or "You don't eat that".
• You may be the tourist, but locals like to take pictures of the oddities i.e. YOU, just as much as you do.
• If you love someone enough, their happiness becomes so important to you that you're willing to let them go in order to ensure their happiness.
• Don't be afraid to climb the boulders; you never know what you'll discover on the other side.
• Sometimes finding the perfect spot to watch the sunset is the biggest challenge you'll face for the day.
• Don't bother wearing a watch on an island.
• 7/11's in Thailand are like Starbucks in the US.  They also sometimes give you your change back in stamps.
• The Irish can say any curse word and make it sound cool.
• If you drink it, it comes with a straw (or a glass...or both).
• Sometimes you just need to go for a walk.

But most important of all.

Don't forget to just be in the moment.  Take it one day, one minute, one second at a time.  Plans change but new doors always open.  It's up to you to walk through them.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

My awesome wander-nut from Burning Man.  It's been through a lot.

Bangkok

I feel like I'm always going to be a little (okay, a LOT) behind with my posts.  Playing constant catch up.  So much has happened since my last post.  I managed to survive the jungle!  There were definitely a couple of times where I thought "Kira, should you really be doing this?" and learned there is sometimes a difference between an adventure and just plain stupidity.  I hope I chose right!  ::grin::

So Bangkok...It's a huge city and I know I only saw a small section of it.  The tourist parts are a constant barrage of "Tuk tuk? Taxi?  You buy suit!  Where you go?  I tell your fortune!" and so on.  Once you get outside of those, it's mostly just a lot of Thai people staring at you when you go past.  ::chuckles::  The trick I've learned is to smile.  95% of the time, they smile back.  And if you say hello in Thai?  Oh man, that gets a full out grin.  They're probably just laughing at my garbled attempt to mainstream.

I made it to a couple of temples (or Wats).  The amount of detail and sheer scale of things is overwhelming.  One thing to note for anyone going to visit a temple: wear shirts with sleeves and either a knee-length skirt or pants.  Shorts and tank tops/spaghetti straps are considered disrespectful.  I wish I'd realized that before I packed.  ::grimace::  That just means I had an interesting experience when attempting to go to the Grand Palace.  You can actually rent appropriate attire in order to go in.  It's more of a deposit as you get your money back when you return them.  But when you're traveling with a friend and you both realize you have to get clothes and then realize between the two of you, you didn't bring enough money to also actually get into the palace, well...I guess it wasn't meant to be that day.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

I've definitely made a lot of new friends during my travels thus far.  My first night there I went to Khao San with Leon for a drink and we struck up a conversation with a gal from Costa Rica at the table next to us and then during our people watching stint, we met another couple from Holland.  They'd bought a scorpion and unlike the typical picture-taking session and then tossing of the roasted treat, they actually ate some of it.  I should have realized if we praised them that the "food" would then be offered to us.  ::self-deprecating laugh::  Oh silly Kira.  Wim also offered us a bag of grasshoppers.  I couldn't do a whole one but I'm proud to say I did eat one of the legs.  Let's just say the bristles on its legs leave an interesting feeling in your throat for some time after.  The scorpion was kinda smokey tasting from being roasted and I actually liked that better.  Go figure.  The night ended in a tuk tuk ride to a ::lip popping sound:: show and that's all I'm going to say about that.  ::laughs mysteriously::  The tuk tuk ride was reminiscent of a roller coaster with hairpin turns and waving at fellow hapless tourists.  I survived both the ride there and back again.  ::happy dance and kissing the ground::

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

I highly recommend the hostel I stayed at: Born Free Hostel.  The owner is very knowledgeable, helpful, and just a great guy all around.  He and his girlfriend are both from Switzerland and they just opened up another hostel further up the road so be sure to check them out if you're ever in Bangkok.  I met a lot of cool people there.  A few of us are going to try and met up in Southern Thailand in the next day or so if things work out accordingly.  ::fingers crossed::  And the rooms are air conditioned when you sleep at night.  SCORE!!  

I spent one of my days exploring with a couple of guys from the hostel.  We introduced Mahmoud to new foods beyond his comfort zone (don't worry, Mama K's got your back), I was shown a huge Buddha where I learned people will get small squares of gold foil and put it on statues as an offering, and got horribly lost when we got to the palace where the currently king and queen actually reside.  

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

I was supposed to go on a night bike tour but I was a tired monkey.  I am proud to say I managed to power nap and rallied forth a few hours later.  A group of us went down to Khao San Rd (don't trust people when they say it's just to get food!) and one thing led to another.  Put into the mix: us, buckets, beers, a hookah, more travelers, and an awesome Thai girl's birthday and we greeted the sun that morning.  

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Well, it's just about time for me to pack up from the hotel and head out to Surin.  I know I still have a lot of catching up to do, but I guess you're all just going to have to wait, breathless with antici..............pation.  ::grin::

First Days

It's official.  I survived my first day in Bangkok!  ::happy dance::  I arrived at about 9:30 am Wednesday after having left San Francisco at 1:40 am on Tuesday.  It's weird losing an entire day while on a plane.  I watched movies and slept during my total of about 15 hours of air time.  Two things I can say about this experience.  One: I'm very glad the two seats next to me on both flights were empty so I could stretch out (as much as you can on a plane) and Two: I'm glad my watch tells me what day it is.  At least one of us knows what's going on.  And the plane to Taipei was huge!!!  It had over 50 rows, 9 across, and an upstairs!!!  ::shakes head::  I was worried the thing wasn't going to get off the ground.

I made it through Immigration with no issues and currently have a 30 day pass to travel around Thailand.  Let's see what I can get done!

I met a fellow traveler Leon from Holland who was hoping to share a cab to Khao San (a popular street for backpackers and near both of our hostels).  A shuttle bus, small bus, and taxi later found us to our destination.  Note to self: Pack less stuff!!!  I was dying from the heat and carrying all my bags wasn't helping matters.   I got to my hostel in one piece but dripping sweat.  ::chuckles::  Even he thought I had too much stuff.  I'm realizing the issue is more that my backpack itself is rather small.

The hostel I'm staying at is fantastic.  There weren't many backpackers there when I first arrived but met a group of them later that night.  The bathroom is entertaining.  It took me a minute to figure out about the little sprayer next to the toilet, but...Hey Hey!!  ::light bulb went off::  And let's just say my first shower resulted in EVERYTHING getting wet.  Oops!

I went exploring with Leon and we tried some vendor food (so much to choose from!) and found a beautiful temple.  I've discovered that isn't actually hard as you find one about every 2 blocks or so.

I promise to talk more about my experiences in Bangkok but I've got a bus and then a train to catch to Pak Chong and then heading to Khao Yai, a national park.  I'm going to camp out for a few days there so I'll try and write more and upload when I get near internet again.

But a brief teaser, I can now cross off eating scorpions and grass hoppers and going on a tuk tuk ride off my list.  ::grin::

Sitting in an airport

I think it was when I saw on the map that I was flying over Japan when it hit me.  I'm going to Thailand.  I'm going to Asia.  I am leaving the United States.  Scratch that.  I have LEFT the United States.  It's been a rather surreal journey and everything I've been doing for the past year has been in preparation for this.  The journey to this point has been incredible.  I'm not going to say wonderful because it would be a lie.  As my friends and cohorts can chuckle along with (I hope), there have been numerous ups and downs but I'm finally here.  On my way.

I've always been such a detail-orientated person and there are always a few more things on the "list" to get done.  So much extra I could have accomplished for this trip, but you know what?  It doesn't matter now.  I've set these wheels in motion and it's time to enjoy the ride.  

I don't know how long I'll be gone for.  Heck, I could take one step into Bangkok and turn right around.  But that's the fear of the unknown.  I'm terrified.  I'll be the first to admit it.  But when I see the transfer listings as I walked down the terminal in Taipei and see destinations for Okinawa, Singapore, and Hong Kong, I know it's only the fear of failing that makes me hesitate.  Just taking that step and I've won.  No matter what.  

It's interesting.  I was talking to my mom and she told me about a sermon my dad had given about letting go and giving things up.  And guess who he talked about?  ::grin::  But he also brought up a conversation he and I had back in college.  It had to be one of the hardest conversations I'd ever had with my dad, but also one of the most freeing.  I told him about my fear of letting him down, disappointing him if I chose not to go to grad school, didn't fulfill these expectations I felt he'd built up of me.  And he told me it wasn't him I needed to worry about disappointing.  This life isn't his to live, but mine.  The person I ultimately need to please in life was myself.  Wow!  It released something in me.  He gave me permission/blessing/trust to live my life as I see fit.  Thank you dad.

And now I sit in an airport, waiting for that next flight and the knots in my stomach and butterflies trying to make it up my throat are a reminder of the path I've chosen and I couldn't be more excited and more terrified.  A good combination.

Lessons of Burning Man

Hello everyone!  Yes, I am still alive.  I have survived another adventure on the Playa that is Burning Man.  ::grin::  And other than a brief brush with rebar and chapped lips, I am none the worse for wear.

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Two sayings you hear a lot on the Playa is
"The burn gives you what you need, not what you want."  and
"The Playa will provide."

I've believed in the first one but always thought my needs and wants rather jived together.  I'd never been proven so wrong this year.  With my transition in progress, I was looking for the familiar: many new faces, lots of new adventures, and independent experiences.  The underlying theme being to go off on my own and discover whatever I could find.  Instead I found myself staying close to camp, bonding deeper with my campmates, and at times being content with just staying in one area for an extended period of time.  Initially this was hard for me to align with my notions of what I should be doing at the burn.  I felt like I was failing as a burner not to be constantly on the go.

As the burn progressed and I grounded myself, I found myself relaxing into these moments of stillness.  Recognizing the beauty of letting a moment deepen.  I discovered what it meant to breath deeply and experience the release of what that depth meant.  And I feel freer for it.

The aspect of the Playa providing for my needs came with a caveat.  I needed to actually voice my needs.  And if you know me well, this is something I constantly struggle with.  My girl Abby lovingly dubbed me Martha Monkey as I was constantly the go-to for whatever my fellow burners needed.  You need a lighter, wipes, water, safety pins, extra glow things?....you name it, I probably had it.  I took pride in being prepared for anything.  But it also had a price, and a weight (literally).  If you're always so radically self-reliant that you don't need anything, how do you truly bond with another person?  Allow someone in?

I didn't even realize how heavy the weight I was constantly bearing was, until someone took it off my shoulders.  Part way through the burn, I was dressed up in furs, el wire, and little else (no, there aren't any pictures...that I know of).  And I went out for the evening with someone who had what few necessities I truly needed.  I became Dangerous Sparkles, someone who I originally thought was just a persona but I came to realize was another aspect of myself that I hadn't explored.  Hell, I'd never even meet her.  And she was beautiful!  She was lighter, softer, still resourceful, but more open to a give-take balance with others.  I had a beautiful evening and began the start of something truly precious.

I know this post has been more philosophical than informative, but I'm still processing everything this burn brought forth.  I'm on my way to San Francisco as I type and will post pictures and my adventures at BM soon.  Much love to everyone and keep on burning!

Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Fast Transition

Hello everyone!  Only 3rd post in and already I’m slacking on my updates.  The last few weeks have been a blur.  Finishing up my job with the RAC, clearing out my house, packing my belongings (a whole ‘nother post about that later), driving to Wisconsin, a brief visit, and now I sit in the airport at Milwaukee, waiting for my flight to Reno.  It’s 4:49 am.  

I just want to give a quick FYI to everyone.  I’ll be at Burning Man for the next 10 days so other than one more post I hope to get out before I head to the Playa, I’m not slacking again on the updates, I just will be off grid.  And for those of you who know me and technology….I can’t wait!!  ::grin::

If you feel so inclined, you can send me snail mail while I’m at BM.  I’m at:

Dome Monkey/Kira Zebroski

Habitat For Insanity

7:30 and Haifa

℅ BRCPO

Burning Man

Gerlach, NV 89412

Now I’ll be there until September 1st so plan accordingly.  Outside of that time frame, any mail should be sent to my parents.  Email or facebook me to get the address.

Friendships and moving

As I’m getting ready to leave Rochester, it occurred to me suddenly.  How am I going to leave all these people?  I know that when moving, it means leaving things behind but I’ve been so focused on my destination, I've pushed this part of the process aside.  I think it has also been a protective action, denial of what needs to happen.  I've moved around so much, that leaving things, people, and places behind has just always been a part of life.  But this is different.  This time I’m leaving as an adult, with invested time and energy into relationships that I want to last forever.  And I’m terrified.  Terrified I’ll never see them again, that I’ll lose touch, that I’ll miss these important moments in their lives and they in mine.

I've been putting this feeling aside and I didn't even realize it.  In this final week of preparing to leave, I've felt this anxiety and intense overwhelming ENERGY.  And I thought the main reason for it was just the stress of trying to get everything done.  Tying up loose ends.  But as I start to see people for what may be the last time in the foreseeable future, I’m feeling this dam break.  I've built this protective wall around my emotions about leaving my people, my lifeblood, and it’s starting to crumble.  

It’s funny, my friends and I joked that I’m not allowed to really drink during my going away party because I’ll probably end up a blubbering mess.  And I’d laugh and we’d all heartily agree.  But the sobering fact is, I need to deal with this emotion, process and share with those I hold dear.  Tell them,

“I am seriously going to miss you.  You have made this huge impact in my life that even I may not fully comprehend.  There is a part of my heart that I’m leaving with you.  Please take good care of it and help stay in touch so I know it’s well cared for.  And I will try my damnedest to do the same for you.  Know that you are with me, always.  I love you."

And these thoughts aren't just for those I’m leaving in Rochester, but all those who've touched my life and made me better for it.  Whether you’re in Pittsburgh, Florida, NYC, Seattle, Ohio, or already oceans away, I will truly miss you and hope our paths will cross soon and often.

Beginnings

I keep telling people, I need to start a blog for my travels if only to assure people I am both alive and not in jail.  It’s a rather odd statement and yet kinda true.  I’m preparing for this journey, a once in a lifetime some tell me (I don’t necessarily agree but I’ll come back to that thought), and I want some way to communicate with those I’m leaving behind.  Its part for posterity's sake and part in hopes of inspiring some to join me in my travels and share my adventures.  Now I should probably talk about what in the world I’m doing.  What journey?

About a year ago, I reached a point in my life where I just wasn't happy with my life.  I didn't recognize myself.  I was angry, irritable, and finding it hard to find and appreciate the simple pleasures of life.  A change needed to be made.  I thought about what in life truly makes me happy and what I came up with was traveling and dance.  With dance, I've had several opportunities come up and I've grabbed them with a vengeance and have no regrets.  Traveling was another matter.  There are always excuses not to travel: no money, no time, how to get there, how to pay the bills while I’m gone and also when I get back.  The list goes on.  Now the ideal way to approach this would be to get a job that allows me to travel.  I looked into this briefly but in my heart what I truly wanted was to wander the globe with a single backpack and an open mind.  

And so I made the decision.  Come the end of August the following year, I would follow that dream.  Through many different plan changes, it has arrived at Thailand as my starting point.  First a brief stop at my parents and a wedding, a stint in the desert, San Francisco to come down from that stint, and Thailand.  I’m going to be teaching English, farming, building housing, and whatever else life throws at me.  As someone said to me, I’ll go where the wind blows me.  It may blow me eventually back to the US, but I have no intention of forcing it back in that direction.  

I now stand on the precipice of starting this journey and I’m both terrified and exhilarated.  Excited to see what life will show me and the world will offer me.  Terrified I’ll fail.  Nervous of the unknown but ready to embrace it all.  Trusting in the knowledge that no matter what happens from this point on, I will have succeeded in following this dream.  I am ‘A Monkey with a Backpack.”