Dipping a toe back in

Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I've been online like this and I'm still not sure how much further down the rabbit hole I want to go.  The week of my birthday was a rough one both personally and for my country.  I basically shutdown my connection online.  I needed to focus on the present moment.  Limit my interactions in the social media world.  There are moments when I feel like I live my life through a cyberworld rather than the real world and I needed to disconnect.

I'm slowly re-emerging, feeling like I can take some of my excess energy and put it into outside activities which feel productive.  I'm still not ready for Facebook.  I've only been on a handful of times over the last month and a half and usually only for a few minutes.  Instead, I'm putting together some video blogs AKA vlogs (although this word always makes me tilt my head.  It's a weird word!) at the suggestion of my friend.  We'll see how they go.  I'm of course going to continue writing regular blogs; there's just going to be another facet to my sharing.

And now for something completely different!

Life has been busy for me.  I finished up my year visa in Australia and am now traveling around Japan.  It's cold but with my years in New York and Wisconsin, I guess I can't really complain.  ::chuckle::  I'm about 3 weeks in and it's been absolutely incredible.  Add on the fact I have a traveling buddy (my first in any of my travels) and it truly is a new adventure.  We've spent a week in Tokyo, splurged for a few days in Hakone, couchsurfed in Nagoya, and now we're meandering through the Kyoto/Nara/Osaka area.

I'm going to keep this short in sharing about all I've experienced thus far, but you can get a taste with two short videos I made while staying in Tokyo.  The first is the Chichibu Night Festival which happens in the mountains north of Tokyo.  Each neighborhood in Chichibu has a float which they push and pull by hand to the shrine at the center of the city.  There is also a huge fireworks display at the end.  You can read more about the festival HERE!

The second is from the light display in Tokyo Midtown.  Winter illuminations are big in Japan and we've been working our way through many of them as we travel.  You can read more about the different popular displays HERE!  There are so many different types of illuminations and some of the smaller cities have lantern displays made by students and local artists.  I have more video coming so keep an eye out.  Until then...

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!! from this Monkey with a backpack.

Chichibu Night Festival

Lightshow at Tokyo Midtown

Voting From Abroad

My ballot has arrived!  My ballot has arrived!!  It is with mixed feelings that I found my absentee ballot waiting for me when I came home today.  This presidential election has been different to say the least and being abroad for the duration of it has given me an interesting perspective.  I’m disconnected from the usual influx of political ads I remember from past elections.  Most of my information comes from foreign correspondents and the trickle of facebook posts from friends back in the States (which often prompts me to do more research on what is actually going on).

I’ve tried a few times to write a post about my thoughts on the election: when Bernie and Clinton were running for the party’s nomination, being torn on where to cast my vote once it became apparent Bernie was out of the running, when Clinton became the Democratic Presidential nominee, and now with seeing the election process come to a head as Clinton and Trump debate over the national budget, social/economic equality, and the suitability of their temperaments to becoming President of the United States.  I could never seem to find the right words to express how I was feeling.  Especially after reading so many posts and articles of others who spouted their opinions so loudly it became more of a shouting match than a debate, I didn’t want to be just another decibel of sound.

As a single female traveler, one of the most oft asked questions I received was some form of “You’re traveling by yourself?”  Now when people find out I’m from the States, they instead ask me what I think about Trump.  I’m not going to get into my opinion of him and if you’re interested, message me and we can have a conversation about the ‘suitability’ of Donald Trump as president.  Watching the media about the US presidential election from Malaysia and then Australia, I saw the outside perspective of how our election process was viewed.  To be honest, it hasn’t been that favorable.  It’s turned into a reality show for politics and taken just as seriously.  That’s not a compliment for our country.

I knew I was going to vote in this election come hell or high water.  I just wasn’t sure how.  Luckily I met up with my friend Todd while in Sydney and he’s an active member of Democrats Abroad.  He directed me to Vote From Abroad, a site which helps those living abroad to register and vote in US elections.  This was especially important as I’d changed states from New York to Wisconsin when leaving and hadn’t been able to register before I’d left.  They gave details for each state on requirements to register and request an absentee ballot as well as deadlines for the election.

Photo Property of Kira Zebroski

My own personal experience with an absentee ballot has proven to be a bit frustrating; however, I think it’s finally been sorted so I’ll be able to vote.  ::knock on wood::  I’d sent my request for registration and an absentee ballot but had a moment of difficulty when trying to figure out how to prove I reside in Wisconsin since the best way to prove that is with mail.  Luckily my mom and I figured out I could send a printed copy of my bank statement.  Even though it’s an e-statement, it still has my address printed on it.  Then a few weeks ago I was contacted by the Town Hall of my residence to call them as they needed photo ID from me.  Photocopy of my passport?  Sorted!  

I’ve now received my ballot, been researching the candidates in my State and local election, and almost lost it all in the 11th hour.  Wisconsin needs a “Certification of Witness” which is the signature and address of another US Citizen to prove I am who I say I am and the voting procedure has gone as planned.  SERIOUSLY????!!!!  I’ve been traveling to some remote areas with only a couple hundred residents and they want me to find another American to sign my ballot envelope after I’ve sent them my photo ID, bank statement, and social security number??  In the two years I’ve been traveling, I’ve met less than a dozen other US citizens.  It’s one of the reasons people thought I was so crazy when I said I was going to start traveling.  It just isn’t typically done in the US.  So if I’d still been on TI or the Gili Islands or potentially even Koh Phangan, I would have been shit outta luck.  That is an incredibly frustrating feeling.  To work so hard to get to utilize my right to vote, only to have some unnecessary, redundant, and potentially impossible hoop to jump through be what stops me from voting??  That is completely unacceptable.  Wisconsin, you already disappointed me when I read about how difficult you’re making people who physically live there get a photo ID so they can vote.  This just brought my opinion of your voting process down even lower.  You can and should do better.  There is enough complaint about the lack of voter participation in the United States without needing to make it impossible for those who DO want to vote.  Luckily, I think this particular story will have a happy ending.  My Sydney friend has connected me with the Melbourne group of Democrats Abroad and one of them should be able to sign my envelope.  YEY!!  Crisis averted!!

During my time in Australia, I’ve also gotten to learn more about their election process.  Voting is mandatory.  It always happens on a Saturday and voting booths are at public facilities (typically a school or town hall).  One of my friends told me that school groups would run sausage sizzles (similar to a brat fry in Wisconsin) and people would chat online on who had the best sizzle.  I really liked this as it brought more positive attention to schools as well as promoting a sense of community.  Election campaigns are short.  There was apparently complaining over the most recent election which lasted 2 months as opposed to the typical 4 weeks.  Imagine...only 4 weeks of campaign trails, debates, and political ads.  Now it isn’t all bliss.  They don’t elect their prime minister, but rather vote for their political party and the leader of the majority party at the time becomes prime minister.  They’ve had 4 prime ministers in the last five years.  So consistency and success of long-term planning can be difficult.  If you ever watch Australian politics, the two main parties are Labor and The Liberals (who ironically are conservative) with the Greens getting about 10% of the vote.  And there’s also been a rise of minor parties, sometimes with rather interesting names.  Pirates Party?  Australian Sex Party?  Political party….or theme for the next great get together?  ::chuckle::

So as I prepare to exercise my right to vote in the 2016 Presidential Election, I urge my fellow US citizens to do the same.  Don’t just write about the changes you want to see on social media, share articles, or talk.  DO SOMETHING!  VOTE!!!

And if that isn’t incentive enough, it’s also my birthday that day.  Give me a really good birthday present America.  Please.

Links to Articles and Groups:

Vote From Abroad

Democrats Abroad

Wisconsin Systematically Failing to Provide the Photo IDs Needed to Vote

My Sugarless 30 Days

I’m on Day 4 of my No Sugar for 30 Days challenge.  It’s one of my major weaknesses.  I’m not a coffee drinker, a smoker, I don’t watch a lot of television, and I’m just as comfortable without a phone.  It’s sugar that gets me every time; chocolate being my particular weakness.  I sometimes joke during my travels that I’m too cheep to spend money on my well-being with things like a quality bed or a decent meal, but give me some local sweets to try...that’s money worth spending.

I have heard of a few friends doing cleansing or different diets to reboot their bodies.  Talking with my friend Mary while back in the States is what brought this idea to the forefront recently.  Thank you girl!!  The no sugar cleanse is probably the one that intrigued me the most but I always had an excuse of why now wasn’t a good time to start.  Well after recently eating about 3 packages of Tim Tams in about the same number of days, I realized NOW was the only time to start anything.  Yesterday is too late and tomorrow never seems to get here.  

So no more yummy goodness like this for a while!

So on October 4th I decided to go 30 days without ingesting any sugar.  My only caveat was I would be allowed a small amount of honey as I use it to sweeten my morning yogurt and my primary focus is on processed sugar.  I also realized later that day how impeccable my timing was (as my mother also immediately pointed out).  My birthday is next month and the 30 days will end just beforehand.  Nobody denies Kira cake on her birthday.  Not even Kira.  ::chuckle::

I’m curious to see how this challenge with affect me both physically and psychologically.  It’s interesting so far in realizing how sometimes I want sugar simply because it’s a different flavor than my main meals.  Or because my brain tells me it’s more satisfying than other healthier snacks, but actually I always want more even when I’m full.  I didn’t get rid of all the sugar in the house.  I still have one more unopened package of Tim Tams (salted caramel YUM!) and my roommate made chocolate beetroot cake which has been staring me in the face the last two mornings while I have my bowl of healthy yogurt, fruit, and muesli.  ::sigh::  I actually had a dream last night I ate some sweets at a bakery only to realize halfway through an eclair what I’d done.  ::shudder::

...or this!  :-(

Wish me luck on this 30 day adventure, and if you want to be no-sugar buddies for the month just let me know!!

**Please note: All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

2 year anniversary

Hi everyone!!  I know this has taken a while for me to get out.  And here I thought it would be easier and faster since I made a video.  I guess I should take into consideration bad internet connection next time.  ::chuckle::  Oh well!

Here it is!  A rather long video of me putting some thoughts out there about the last 2 years of traveling and an update (sort of) on where I'm headed next.  In true Monkey fashion, I ramble a bit but I figured it makes the video all the more endearing....maybe.  ENJOY!!

I also have a small compliation of some videos I've done while traveling if you're interested.  I have many I still need to put up but it's been put in the "to-do" list like so many other things.  

Youtube vlog

Thank you again for everyone's continued support and love.  It really helps keep me going in times when I wonder what the hell I was thinking leaving everything behind.  ::laugh::  Lovelovelovelovelove!!!!!

Hitting a wall

I’ve hit a wall.  A rather reoccurring one here in Australia.  Work.  Finding work that doesn’t involve me performing sexual acts or selling my soul at a call center or door-to-door sales.  The problem I keep running into is time.  Time enough to train me.  Time enough to be useful.  I was willing to stay 6 months in Brisbane, the max I could work for a company while on a Work and Holiday visa.  I had 4 months to offer when I first arrived in Melbourne and now I’m down to just over 3.  I’m tired of having my resume handed back to me with a shake of their head, both of us disappointed.  

After another rejection, I hit my breaking point.  Tears started to come and I just needed to get away.  I was frustrated, tired, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the house and fiddle on the computer.  I told Tim since he was going to paint, I was going to keep biking.  He could tell I was upset; I wouldn’t look at him.  I told him I didn’t want to talk about it.  He pushed and I repeated myself a bit firmer and kept riding, telling him I’d see him in a few hours.  I knew he’d be concerned but I needed the space.  True to it, he tried to ask me what was wrong when I got back, expectantly waiting for an answer.  I told him I still needed space and still didn’t want to talk about it.  I feel like I should feel guilty but I know that’s not true.  And it’s another emotion I’m battling with.  Guilt.

I went riding for a while, not really sure where I was heading.  I just needed to move and be out, let my brain have a rest.  It tends to figure itself out more easily when I’m moving.  I didn’t feel the need to expel large amounts of energy.  If anything I felt tired.  I stumbled upon a labyrinth and it was exactly what I needed.  In a marshy area by the creek, it’s raw setup appealed to my jumbled brain.  I parked the bike, dropped the bag, and just walked.

I don't know if you’ve ever been in a labyrinth, but it’s meant to be a meditative practice.  Focusing on your breath and steps, letting your body relax.  There was a dedication stone at the mouth of the labyrinth and it’s words brought tears to my eyes.  It spoke of release and remembering hope.  I felt like it was written for this very moment of my life.

As I walked, tears fell and dried.  Breath hitched and evened out.  Steps felt surer as I progressed.  I arrived at the center, took a deep breath, and sat down.  I felt calmer.  Ready to sort through my problems and try to come up with some solutions.

I thought of Tim and our relationship and the stress it was causing me.  I’m couchsurfing at his house, but I am beginning to feel like I am mooching off of his good graces.  I am feeling like I am receiving more than I am giving and that’s not a comfortable feeling for me.  A vulnerable and dependent feeling.  I feel like our relationship is unbalanced and this has been causing me stress.

The other stressor is money.  But what about it is causing me stress?  I don’t need a lot and true enough I’ve lived on less.  But it goes to two concerns: the feeling of contribution (or lack) to the household with Tim and saving for my next destination.  I have a finite time to make money here and Japan is expensive.  Time is shrinking and I’m feeling the pressure.  Watching time slip away as I think of all the work I could be doing and therefore the money I could be making.  

I realized I am doing everything I can.  I need to not lose heart and trust that something will come up.  To continue to explore the options I find and know things will work out.  I made a list in my head of a few things I could do and to promise myself I’d follow through with them.

I decided to walk in reverse back out of the labyrinth.  One final time to gather my thoughts.  Afterwards I went to look at a tree nearby with notes and Tibetan prayer flags strung amongst the branches.  Upon closer inspection I saw they were wishes.  Written on paper, cloth, even a shoe lace, and the tree itself, the wishes were mostly for the world.  I felt a bit selfish for a moment that my wish was more self-directed, but accepted we all have moments of self vs. universal reflection.

I reaffirmed my wish I’d discovered in the labyrinth and wrote it on the discarded resume from earlier.  Strung it up on some empty yarn and I was ready.  Getting back on the bike I left the creek path and meandered my way back to the house.  I knew the first thing I needed to do when I got back was write everything down.  To physicalize my realization and cement my affirmation of acceptance and patience.  And now I have.

UPDATE: I wrote this post about two weeks ago. I'm happy to say I've found a job since then, albeit only a 6 week contract. I'm just happy to be working. Cheers everyone!!!

**Please Note: All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Onward and upward

I’m sitting in an airport yet again waiting for my first of two flights which will take me back to Australia.  In a small part of my brain, I’m worrying if the flight will be delayed, if my baggage will come quickly, if I’ll make it through security once again in time for my second flight, if I’ll make it through customs with my double passport.

But the majority of my focus is directed towards these past 6 weeks.  Or rather, focusing on not focusing on it.  I can visualize the mass of emotions and memories this ‘US tour’ has both created and brought up.  I know I need to process this experience and yet I feel myself shying away from it.  The desire to put it all in a box to deal with later.

This whole trip has been about moving, catching up, shifting, shedding...

Crap, I’m still not ready to get a piece out about this trip.  I had this grand plan of some sort of post that would be eloquent and fun and thoughtful.  I’m just not ready to deal with all the emotions and memories. I am actually rather looking forward to arriving in Sydney simply so I can sit and not go anywhere. Take the time to decompress and process. I'll try and get something out afterwards.

For now I just want to thank everyone I was able to see. For the new friends I've made, the friendships I've renewed, and those that have strengthened. I'm so incredibly blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life. Thank you for making this trip so special and just what I needed. I love you all!!

Smores and cuddles with my little nephews

**All pictures are property of Kira Zebroski**

Just an update: I've made it safely from WI to LAX and about to board my final flight to Sydney. It was a close call with some passport issues. Like I wasn't allowed on the plane for a bit. But all is well. ::knock on wood:: It's never a dull moment with the Monkey!! ::grin::

Global Underscore

I feel so calm at peace right now.  Grounded.  I’d gone to the Global Underscore in Buffalo, my first global one, and the journey over those 4 hours was intensely beautiful.  I came in feeling rather drained and not sure how much I wanted to be near people.  Which is an interesting headspace to be in when you’re going to be doing contact improvisation.

These last couple weeks and the last few days in particular have been both amazing and overwhelming.  I knew coming back to the US would be a process.  The culture shock alone knocked me on my ass.  And then there’s the personal reaction with friends and family.  Life has continued on without me; dynamics have changed.  It’s all for the better but still an adjustment.  So much being thrown at me that the energy to deal is taking its toll.  I have to make sure my self-care is strong and consistent.

So back to the Global Underscore.  I arrived in the space unsure how my current emotional state and the environment would mesh.  I requested during opening circle to have some personal grounding time (a chance to arrive in the space) before we began triad body work.  The group was incredibly open and receptive to the ideas being given.  It allowed me a feeling of safety and acceptance as I explored my reactions.

The Underscore was grounding, allowing me to release into the moment.  Initially my body felt so heavy.  How do I work with movement in relation to this physical (and probably emotional) state?  This was first my struggle and then my triumph.  To release into what the body was feeling.  Demanding.  Forcing no movement and keeping it authentic to inner and outer stimuli.  

As I found the balance of grounding myself and relating to others in the space through a safe connection, I explored point of contact more than I ever had before.  Many of my dances in the past center around the push and pull of weight bearing.  There is more tumbling, lifting, posting, jumping...instead this became the hand dance using my entire body.  There was more exploration of the space between contact.  It continued to be dynamic which initially surprised me.

Throughout the jam there was also a recurring motion of shaking and tapping.  Stimulating shaking in others, tapping the ground, creating energy currents through multiple bodies.  It would rise and fall in diads and triads with others from the Underscore joining in for moments.  It reminded me of kundalini meditation aka the shaking meditation.  The idea of shaking your body to drum up energy, drum out thought, and just be present in your body with this sole action.

At the end of the session, I found myself more energetic and present in my space.  I wasn’t ready to run a marathon, but I felt filled.  Satiated.  I feel truly blessed to have been part of this group for the Global Underscore.  The safe container allowed me to release myself into the space.  To be truly authentic in the exploration my body’s reactions throughout this process.  Thank you everyone who was a part of this.  I am so incredibly grateful.

A glimpse of our Global Underscore setup

**Please note all photos are property of Kira Zebroski**