Dipping a toe back in

Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I've been online like this and I'm still not sure how much further down the rabbit hole I want to go.  The week of my birthday was a rough one both personally and for my country.  I basically shutdown my connection online.  I needed to focus on the present moment.  Limit my interactions in the social media world.  There are moments when I feel like I live my life through a cyberworld rather than the real world and I needed to disconnect.

I'm slowly re-emerging, feeling like I can take some of my excess energy and put it into outside activities which feel productive.  I'm still not ready for Facebook.  I've only been on a handful of times over the last month and a half and usually only for a few minutes.  Instead, I'm putting together some video blogs AKA vlogs (although this word always makes me tilt my head.  It's a weird word!) at the suggestion of my friend.  We'll see how they go.  I'm of course going to continue writing regular blogs; there's just going to be another facet to my sharing.

And now for something completely different!

Life has been busy for me.  I finished up my year visa in Australia and am now traveling around Japan.  It's cold but with my years in New York and Wisconsin, I guess I can't really complain.  ::chuckle::  I'm about 3 weeks in and it's been absolutely incredible.  Add on the fact I have a traveling buddy (my first in any of my travels) and it truly is a new adventure.  We've spent a week in Tokyo, splurged for a few days in Hakone, couchsurfed in Nagoya, and now we're meandering through the Kyoto/Nara/Osaka area.

I'm going to keep this short in sharing about all I've experienced thus far, but you can get a taste with two short videos I made while staying in Tokyo.  The first is the Chichibu Night Festival which happens in the mountains north of Tokyo.  Each neighborhood in Chichibu has a float which they push and pull by hand to the shrine at the center of the city.  There is also a huge fireworks display at the end.  You can read more about the festival HERE!

The second is from the light display in Tokyo Midtown.  Winter illuminations are big in Japan and we've been working our way through many of them as we travel.  You can read more about the different popular displays HERE!  There are so many different types of illuminations and some of the smaller cities have lantern displays made by students and local artists.  I have more video coming so keep an eye out.  Until then...

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!! from this Monkey with a backpack.

Chichibu Night Festival

Lightshow at Tokyo Midtown

Voting From Abroad

My ballot has arrived!  My ballot has arrived!!  It is with mixed feelings that I found my absentee ballot waiting for me when I came home today.  This presidential election has been different to say the least and being abroad for the duration of it has given me an interesting perspective.  I’m disconnected from the usual influx of political ads I remember from past elections.  Most of my information comes from foreign correspondents and the trickle of facebook posts from friends back in the States (which often prompts me to do more research on what is actually going on).

I’ve tried a few times to write a post about my thoughts on the election: when Bernie and Clinton were running for the party’s nomination, being torn on where to cast my vote once it became apparent Bernie was out of the running, when Clinton became the Democratic Presidential nominee, and now with seeing the election process come to a head as Clinton and Trump debate over the national budget, social/economic equality, and the suitability of their temperaments to becoming President of the United States.  I could never seem to find the right words to express how I was feeling.  Especially after reading so many posts and articles of others who spouted their opinions so loudly it became more of a shouting match than a debate, I didn’t want to be just another decibel of sound.

As a single female traveler, one of the most oft asked questions I received was some form of “You’re traveling by yourself?”  Now when people find out I’m from the States, they instead ask me what I think about Trump.  I’m not going to get into my opinion of him and if you’re interested, message me and we can have a conversation about the ‘suitability’ of Donald Trump as president.  Watching the media about the US presidential election from Malaysia and then Australia, I saw the outside perspective of how our election process was viewed.  To be honest, it hasn’t been that favorable.  It’s turned into a reality show for politics and taken just as seriously.  That’s not a compliment for our country.

I knew I was going to vote in this election come hell or high water.  I just wasn’t sure how.  Luckily I met up with my friend Todd while in Sydney and he’s an active member of Democrats Abroad.  He directed me to Vote From Abroad, a site which helps those living abroad to register and vote in US elections.  This was especially important as I’d changed states from New York to Wisconsin when leaving and hadn’t been able to register before I’d left.  They gave details for each state on requirements to register and request an absentee ballot as well as deadlines for the election.

Photo Property of Kira Zebroski

My own personal experience with an absentee ballot has proven to be a bit frustrating; however, I think it’s finally been sorted so I’ll be able to vote.  ::knock on wood::  I’d sent my request for registration and an absentee ballot but had a moment of difficulty when trying to figure out how to prove I reside in Wisconsin since the best way to prove that is with mail.  Luckily my mom and I figured out I could send a printed copy of my bank statement.  Even though it’s an e-statement, it still has my address printed on it.  Then a few weeks ago I was contacted by the Town Hall of my residence to call them as they needed photo ID from me.  Photocopy of my passport?  Sorted!  

I’ve now received my ballot, been researching the candidates in my State and local election, and almost lost it all in the 11th hour.  Wisconsin needs a “Certification of Witness” which is the signature and address of another US Citizen to prove I am who I say I am and the voting procedure has gone as planned.  SERIOUSLY????!!!!  I’ve been traveling to some remote areas with only a couple hundred residents and they want me to find another American to sign my ballot envelope after I’ve sent them my photo ID, bank statement, and social security number??  In the two years I’ve been traveling, I’ve met less than a dozen other US citizens.  It’s one of the reasons people thought I was so crazy when I said I was going to start traveling.  It just isn’t typically done in the US.  So if I’d still been on TI or the Gili Islands or potentially even Koh Phangan, I would have been shit outta luck.  That is an incredibly frustrating feeling.  To work so hard to get to utilize my right to vote, only to have some unnecessary, redundant, and potentially impossible hoop to jump through be what stops me from voting??  That is completely unacceptable.  Wisconsin, you already disappointed me when I read about how difficult you’re making people who physically live there get a photo ID so they can vote.  This just brought my opinion of your voting process down even lower.  You can and should do better.  There is enough complaint about the lack of voter participation in the United States without needing to make it impossible for those who DO want to vote.  Luckily, I think this particular story will have a happy ending.  My Sydney friend has connected me with the Melbourne group of Democrats Abroad and one of them should be able to sign my envelope.  YEY!!  Crisis averted!!

During my time in Australia, I’ve also gotten to learn more about their election process.  Voting is mandatory.  It always happens on a Saturday and voting booths are at public facilities (typically a school or town hall).  One of my friends told me that school groups would run sausage sizzles (similar to a brat fry in Wisconsin) and people would chat online on who had the best sizzle.  I really liked this as it brought more positive attention to schools as well as promoting a sense of community.  Election campaigns are short.  There was apparently complaining over the most recent election which lasted 2 months as opposed to the typical 4 weeks.  Imagine...only 4 weeks of campaign trails, debates, and political ads.  Now it isn’t all bliss.  They don’t elect their prime minister, but rather vote for their political party and the leader of the majority party at the time becomes prime minister.  They’ve had 4 prime ministers in the last five years.  So consistency and success of long-term planning can be difficult.  If you ever watch Australian politics, the two main parties are Labor and The Liberals (who ironically are conservative) with the Greens getting about 10% of the vote.  And there’s also been a rise of minor parties, sometimes with rather interesting names.  Pirates Party?  Australian Sex Party?  Political party….or theme for the next great get together?  ::chuckle::

So as I prepare to exercise my right to vote in the 2016 Presidential Election, I urge my fellow US citizens to do the same.  Don’t just write about the changes you want to see on social media, share articles, or talk.  DO SOMETHING!  VOTE!!!

And if that isn’t incentive enough, it’s also my birthday that day.  Give me a really good birthday present America.  Please.

Links to Articles and Groups:

Vote From Abroad

Democrats Abroad

Wisconsin Systematically Failing to Provide the Photo IDs Needed to Vote

My Sugarless 30 Days

I’m on Day 4 of my No Sugar for 30 Days challenge.  It’s one of my major weaknesses.  I’m not a coffee drinker, a smoker, I don’t watch a lot of television, and I’m just as comfortable without a phone.  It’s sugar that gets me every time; chocolate being my particular weakness.  I sometimes joke during my travels that I’m too cheep to spend money on my well-being with things like a quality bed or a decent meal, but give me some local sweets to try...that’s money worth spending.

I have heard of a few friends doing cleansing or different diets to reboot their bodies.  Talking with my friend Mary while back in the States is what brought this idea to the forefront recently.  Thank you girl!!  The no sugar cleanse is probably the one that intrigued me the most but I always had an excuse of why now wasn’t a good time to start.  Well after recently eating about 3 packages of Tim Tams in about the same number of days, I realized NOW was the only time to start anything.  Yesterday is too late and tomorrow never seems to get here.  

So no more yummy goodness like this for a while!

So on October 4th I decided to go 30 days without ingesting any sugar.  My only caveat was I would be allowed a small amount of honey as I use it to sweeten my morning yogurt and my primary focus is on processed sugar.  I also realized later that day how impeccable my timing was (as my mother also immediately pointed out).  My birthday is next month and the 30 days will end just beforehand.  Nobody denies Kira cake on her birthday.  Not even Kira.  ::chuckle::

I’m curious to see how this challenge with affect me both physically and psychologically.  It’s interesting so far in realizing how sometimes I want sugar simply because it’s a different flavor than my main meals.  Or because my brain tells me it’s more satisfying than other healthier snacks, but actually I always want more even when I’m full.  I didn’t get rid of all the sugar in the house.  I still have one more unopened package of Tim Tams (salted caramel YUM!) and my roommate made chocolate beetroot cake which has been staring me in the face the last two mornings while I have my bowl of healthy yogurt, fruit, and muesli.  ::sigh::  I actually had a dream last night I ate some sweets at a bakery only to realize halfway through an eclair what I’d done.  ::shudder::

...or this!  :-(

Wish me luck on this 30 day adventure, and if you want to be no-sugar buddies for the month just let me know!!

**Please note: All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

2 year anniversary

Hi everyone!!  I know this has taken a while for me to get out.  And here I thought it would be easier and faster since I made a video.  I guess I should take into consideration bad internet connection next time.  ::chuckle::  Oh well!

Here it is!  A rather long video of me putting some thoughts out there about the last 2 years of traveling and an update (sort of) on where I'm headed next.  In true Monkey fashion, I ramble a bit but I figured it makes the video all the more endearing....maybe.  ENJOY!!

I also have a small compliation of some videos I've done while traveling if you're interested.  I have many I still need to put up but it's been put in the "to-do" list like so many other things.  

Youtube vlog

Thank you again for everyone's continued support and love.  It really helps keep me going in times when I wonder what the hell I was thinking leaving everything behind.  ::laugh::  Lovelovelovelovelove!!!!!

Hitting a wall

I’ve hit a wall.  A rather reoccurring one here in Australia.  Work.  Finding work that doesn’t involve me performing sexual acts or selling my soul at a call center or door-to-door sales.  The problem I keep running into is time.  Time enough to train me.  Time enough to be useful.  I was willing to stay 6 months in Brisbane, the max I could work for a company while on a Work and Holiday visa.  I had 4 months to offer when I first arrived in Melbourne and now I’m down to just over 3.  I’m tired of having my resume handed back to me with a shake of their head, both of us disappointed.  

After another rejection, I hit my breaking point.  Tears started to come and I just needed to get away.  I was frustrated, tired, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the house and fiddle on the computer.  I told Tim since he was going to paint, I was going to keep biking.  He could tell I was upset; I wouldn’t look at him.  I told him I didn’t want to talk about it.  He pushed and I repeated myself a bit firmer and kept riding, telling him I’d see him in a few hours.  I knew he’d be concerned but I needed the space.  True to it, he tried to ask me what was wrong when I got back, expectantly waiting for an answer.  I told him I still needed space and still didn’t want to talk about it.  I feel like I should feel guilty but I know that’s not true.  And it’s another emotion I’m battling with.  Guilt.

I went riding for a while, not really sure where I was heading.  I just needed to move and be out, let my brain have a rest.  It tends to figure itself out more easily when I’m moving.  I didn’t feel the need to expel large amounts of energy.  If anything I felt tired.  I stumbled upon a labyrinth and it was exactly what I needed.  In a marshy area by the creek, it’s raw setup appealed to my jumbled brain.  I parked the bike, dropped the bag, and just walked.

I don't know if you’ve ever been in a labyrinth, but it’s meant to be a meditative practice.  Focusing on your breath and steps, letting your body relax.  There was a dedication stone at the mouth of the labyrinth and it’s words brought tears to my eyes.  It spoke of release and remembering hope.  I felt like it was written for this very moment of my life.

As I walked, tears fell and dried.  Breath hitched and evened out.  Steps felt surer as I progressed.  I arrived at the center, took a deep breath, and sat down.  I felt calmer.  Ready to sort through my problems and try to come up with some solutions.

I thought of Tim and our relationship and the stress it was causing me.  I’m couchsurfing at his house, but I am beginning to feel like I am mooching off of his good graces.  I am feeling like I am receiving more than I am giving and that’s not a comfortable feeling for me.  A vulnerable and dependent feeling.  I feel like our relationship is unbalanced and this has been causing me stress.

The other stressor is money.  But what about it is causing me stress?  I don’t need a lot and true enough I’ve lived on less.  But it goes to two concerns: the feeling of contribution (or lack) to the household with Tim and saving for my next destination.  I have a finite time to make money here and Japan is expensive.  Time is shrinking and I’m feeling the pressure.  Watching time slip away as I think of all the work I could be doing and therefore the money I could be making.  

I realized I am doing everything I can.  I need to not lose heart and trust that something will come up.  To continue to explore the options I find and know things will work out.  I made a list in my head of a few things I could do and to promise myself I’d follow through with them.

I decided to walk in reverse back out of the labyrinth.  One final time to gather my thoughts.  Afterwards I went to look at a tree nearby with notes and Tibetan prayer flags strung amongst the branches.  Upon closer inspection I saw they were wishes.  Written on paper, cloth, even a shoe lace, and the tree itself, the wishes were mostly for the world.  I felt a bit selfish for a moment that my wish was more self-directed, but accepted we all have moments of self vs. universal reflection.

I reaffirmed my wish I’d discovered in the labyrinth and wrote it on the discarded resume from earlier.  Strung it up on some empty yarn and I was ready.  Getting back on the bike I left the creek path and meandered my way back to the house.  I knew the first thing I needed to do when I got back was write everything down.  To physicalize my realization and cement my affirmation of acceptance and patience.  And now I have.

UPDATE: I wrote this post about two weeks ago. I'm happy to say I've found a job since then, albeit only a 6 week contract. I'm just happy to be working. Cheers everyone!!!

**Please Note: All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Onward and upward

I’m sitting in an airport yet again waiting for my first of two flights which will take me back to Australia.  In a small part of my brain, I’m worrying if the flight will be delayed, if my baggage will come quickly, if I’ll make it through security once again in time for my second flight, if I’ll make it through customs with my double passport.

But the majority of my focus is directed towards these past 6 weeks.  Or rather, focusing on not focusing on it.  I can visualize the mass of emotions and memories this ‘US tour’ has both created and brought up.  I know I need to process this experience and yet I feel myself shying away from it.  The desire to put it all in a box to deal with later.

This whole trip has been about moving, catching up, shifting, shedding...

Crap, I’m still not ready to get a piece out about this trip.  I had this grand plan of some sort of post that would be eloquent and fun and thoughtful.  I’m just not ready to deal with all the emotions and memories. I am actually rather looking forward to arriving in Sydney simply so I can sit and not go anywhere. Take the time to decompress and process. I'll try and get something out afterwards.

For now I just want to thank everyone I was able to see. For the new friends I've made, the friendships I've renewed, and those that have strengthened. I'm so incredibly blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life. Thank you for making this trip so special and just what I needed. I love you all!!

Smores and cuddles with my little nephews

**All pictures are property of Kira Zebroski**

Just an update: I've made it safely from WI to LAX and about to board my final flight to Sydney. It was a close call with some passport issues. Like I wasn't allowed on the plane for a bit. But all is well. ::knock on wood:: It's never a dull moment with the Monkey!! ::grin::

Global Underscore

I feel so calm at peace right now.  Grounded.  I’d gone to the Global Underscore in Buffalo, my first global one, and the journey over those 4 hours was intensely beautiful.  I came in feeling rather drained and not sure how much I wanted to be near people.  Which is an interesting headspace to be in when you’re going to be doing contact improvisation.

These last couple weeks and the last few days in particular have been both amazing and overwhelming.  I knew coming back to the US would be a process.  The culture shock alone knocked me on my ass.  And then there’s the personal reaction with friends and family.  Life has continued on without me; dynamics have changed.  It’s all for the better but still an adjustment.  So much being thrown at me that the energy to deal is taking its toll.  I have to make sure my self-care is strong and consistent.

So back to the Global Underscore.  I arrived in the space unsure how my current emotional state and the environment would mesh.  I requested during opening circle to have some personal grounding time (a chance to arrive in the space) before we began triad body work.  The group was incredibly open and receptive to the ideas being given.  It allowed me a feeling of safety and acceptance as I explored my reactions.

The Underscore was grounding, allowing me to release into the moment.  Initially my body felt so heavy.  How do I work with movement in relation to this physical (and probably emotional) state?  This was first my struggle and then my triumph.  To release into what the body was feeling.  Demanding.  Forcing no movement and keeping it authentic to inner and outer stimuli.  

As I found the balance of grounding myself and relating to others in the space through a safe connection, I explored point of contact more than I ever had before.  Many of my dances in the past center around the push and pull of weight bearing.  There is more tumbling, lifting, posting, jumping...instead this became the hand dance using my entire body.  There was more exploration of the space between contact.  It continued to be dynamic which initially surprised me.

Throughout the jam there was also a recurring motion of shaking and tapping.  Stimulating shaking in others, tapping the ground, creating energy currents through multiple bodies.  It would rise and fall in diads and triads with others from the Underscore joining in for moments.  It reminded me of kundalini meditation aka the shaking meditation.  The idea of shaking your body to drum up energy, drum out thought, and just be present in your body with this sole action.

At the end of the session, I found myself more energetic and present in my space.  I wasn’t ready to run a marathon, but I felt filled.  Satiated.  I feel truly blessed to have been part of this group for the Global Underscore.  The safe container allowed me to release myself into the space.  To be truly authentic in the exploration my body’s reactions throughout this process.  Thank you everyone who was a part of this.  I am so incredibly grateful.

A glimpse of our Global Underscore setup

**Please note all photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Unblemished Alabaster Skin

Alright everyone, it has officially happened.  My unblemished skin is no more.  I have been INKED!!!

I’ve always loved tattoos, but when you take into account my absolute fear of needles and the inability to find something I’d want on my body for the rest of my life...I just stuck with henna and markers.  My sister and I got to talking one day and we started playing around with sister tattoo ideas.  Lexi came up with a great design, but I was leaving the country.  We tried to get to each other before I left, but it just wasn’t meant to be.

Some of the tattoo ideas

It’s taken over two years, but we are finally on the same continent, in the same country, in the same state, and in the same city.  DONE!!  This may not happen for another 2+ years so we had to jump on that.

We've made it!!!

She organized us to get them done at Sunday Tattoo after a recommendation by her trainer.  When we came in, we met with Chris who got us ready to go.  When she found out this would be my first tattoo and it was going to go on our feet, she warned me it was one of the most sensitive spots.  I assured her I’d had plenty of time to prepare myself.  ::cough::  I don’t know if prepare is the right word.  Maybe resigned myself to the pain is more like it.

I decided to go first as I knew I’d chicken out otherwise.  I was already second guessing my decision to have this done, but we’d waited so long.  Plus Lexi probably would have killed me if I changed my mind at the 11th hour.

The moment of truth

Holy Jesus Mary and Joseph!!!!  I’m very glad the massage table was sturdy as I probably would have pulled it to pieces with my death grip.  I initially tried to laugh/cry to relieve the pain but she told me it made my foot shake.  So I was left with just crying.  I’ll admit it, I cried like a baby.  A single shot used to be able to bring me to tears.  This was like a continuous, never-ending round of shots.  And then she’d hit the top of the design and…. ::shudder::  I was so pitiful Lexi couldn’t even do the video.  Instead she tried to keep me calm and breathing.  It was finally over and let me tell you.  I will NEVER be doing any design that takes longer than several minutes.

During Lexi’s turn she made faces and muttered a few expletives but was a heck of a lot calmer than my round.  I told her stories from my roadtrip to distract her while I apparently was bleeding on the floor.  Damn gal barely had any swelling and no blood!!

Blood, ink, and cling wrap oh my!

After a couple of hours wrapped in cling wrap, here’s the finished product!!  The design is a heart for each of us with the word older sister (kaikuaana) or younger sister (kaikaina) in Hawaiian.  When we stand with our feet together, it makes the infinity sign. This is why we had to be together to make this design work.  I’m absolutely in love with it and can’t wait to see how it fully settles into my skin.  It’s going to take some time to realize that yes, I do actually have a tattoo now. The pain was worth it...I think. Just kidding Lexi!! You're worth going through the pain. I LOVE YOU!!! And our new tattoos!!!

With our forces combined!

There's something different.  I can't quite put my foot on it.

**All photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Lift Off!!

Just wanted to send a quick hello and goodbye as I get ready to board the plane that will take me Stateside for the first time in almost 2 years.  You ever notice I seem to find the most free time to write posts when I'm in airports?  Huh...

Anyway, I'm both nervous and excited to be coming back to the old US of A.  It's been a while and the culture shock may be a bit of a, well...shock.  I just changed over some money to USD and it was weird seeing the money all be the same color.  I'm used to the Monopoly color scheme most countries sport.  I'm going to have to look really closely to make sure I don't mix up my notes.

I'm also a bit overwhelmed with my travel schedule.  I never can do anything halfway and so I'm making it to 5 states in 6 weeks.  Whew!

**By the way, I've had very little sleep so my typing style may be a bit slap happy.  I'd apologize but I'm just proud I'm getting a post out.

So those of you following my travels, here's the low down on where I'm heading:
LA 23-24th
Florida 24-3rd
Pittsburgh 3-7th
Rochester 7-24th
NYC 24-26th (oop!  I had the wrong date.  Not bad for only 1 mixup)
Seattle 26-1st
Wisconsin 1-10th

And fly back to Australia on July 10th.  I've actually had to make myself an itinerary with all my flights/buses to keep them straight.  I'll try and keep updated on how things are going but you know how it goes.

They're calling my flight so ::massive hugs, cuddles, and kisses to all::  And see many of you soon!!!!!!!

Me and Monkey Jr getting settled in

**all photos are property of Kira Zebroski**

Cairns Wildlife Dome

I met my first koala today!!!  And I just wanted to nuzzle and cuddle the crap out of this little guy.  He’s a 4 year old male named Micro.  I think I’m in love.  ::sigh::  He was so sleepy and just snuggled in.  Ahh!!!  Did you know koalas only live for about 15 years??  So sad.  Okay, I’m rambling but look at this picture and tell me you wouldn’t melt inside as well!!!

Me and Micro the koala

The girls and I went to Cairns Zoom and Wildlife Dome which is in….wait for it...Cairns!!!  I’ve been here for almost a month and finally leaving on Monday for a short road trip down to Brisbane.  Work here for backpackers has been nonexistent and we’re hoping for some farm work outside of Brisbane.  I’m going to be relearning how to drive a manual and on the wrong side of the road/driver’s side so wish me luck.  Err, actually wish the fellow drivers luck.  ::dry chuckle::

Overly friendly rainbow lorikeets.  I don't think she's very keen

The Wildlife Dome was pretty cool.  It’s the top floor of a casino and has an array of wildlife with primarily birds.  One of my girls may have gotten much more up close and personal to a pair of rainbow lorikeets than she’d planned.  I know the picture’s a bit fuzzy but I couldn’t stop laughing.  The cool thing about the admission is you can actually go back for the next four days so you don’t miss some of the presentations and feeding times.  We’re going back tomorrow to see Goliath the 4.1m crocodile get his lunch.  YEY!!  I swear this guy looks like the croc from Peter Pan.  I even listened for a ticking sound.  No such luck.  ::finger snap::  And on a completely different note, if you get thirsty there’s free hot chocolate in the casino!!  I may have had a few cups.  ;-)

I’m going to keep this post short or else I’ll never end up putting it up.  Case in point being the other 2 I’ve half written while here in Cairns and have been sitting on the last 3 weeks.  We’ll see if they ever get posted.  I miss you all and can’t wait to see many of you in just over a month!!!  MAH!!!!  Lovelovelovelovelove!!!!!!!

**PLEASE NOTE: All pictures are property of Kira Zebroski**

Monkey Invasion

I continuously feel bad during my travels about not updating my blog more.  A couple of times I’ve thought ‘Well, I’ll just try and post little stories instead of these long drawn-out ordeals.’  Have any of you ever known me to tell a short story??  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  ::chuckle::  I guess I prefer to tell stories in person; there’s that added element of arm gestures and vocal tone you just can’t duplicate.  It’s what makes a Kira story a Kira story.  Plus I get to be such a perfectionist while writing that I’m constantly going back and adjusting my words so it takes forever just to get a paragraph down.  And then I sit on it for a while and feel the moment has passed to post it.  It’s no wonder people rarely have any idea where the heck I am in the world.  ::laugh::

But I have great news!!  Many of you will be able to hear these stories first hand!!  Yes, that’s right.  Monkey is coming to the States for a visit!!!!  ::happy dance::  When I found out one of my best friends was having her first baby, it was a given that I had to be there.  And obviously if I come back, I have to make the rounds.

Now I don’t have exact dates yet since plane tickets cost money.  Crazy, right?  ::grin::  But I’ve got tentative dates in mind and I’m just too damn excited not to share.  Hell, this all may change tomorrow, especially if people know of cheaper flights and such.  ::nudge nudge wink wink::  I’m looking at flying into LA around the 23rd of May and catch a connecting flight to Florida to spend time with my two siblings for their birthdays.  And then depending on baby dates, either a long weekend in Pittsburgh and then about 2 ½ weeks in Rochester, or flip it and go to Rochester first.  And then of course Wisconsin to see the parents, my other brother, and my adorable nephews.  I'm looking at heading back to Aussie around July 8th. There are other places I would love to visit if time (and money allows) such as Minnesota, Seattle/Portland, and NYC.  Guess we’ll just have to see!!

So mark your calendars people!!!  And prepare the couches and floor space!!  I’M SO FRICKEN EXCITED TO SEE YOU ALL IN A FEW MONTHS!!!

Prepare yourselves people!  It's gonna be a crazy ride!!
Photo property of Kira Zebroski

Side note:  I just re-read this thing and had to laugh at all the exclamation points.  Maybe I’ll need to change some to bold, capital letters to get my point across.  ::chuckle::

Chocolate Cake for Breakfast

It’s taken me a long time to post this particular piece.  I’ve come back to it periodically, but I was just never sure how to end it.  A good friend of mine pointed out the lack of a resolution.  She (and I) often write things out because we don’t have a resolution for whatever is on our minds.  Blogs need to have a resolution, a closing argument if you will.  So maybe this is why I’ve never finished it.  How can I finish something that has no conclusion?  No happy ending?  No ending at all?  So end it with a question, she suggested.  And I will.

October 10, 2015

I was eating chocolate cake today and a guy in my group made a joke about eating chocolate cake for breakfast.  Did I understand the reference, he asked.  Of course!  I still remember watching the standup of Bill Cosby with my family and the bit about feeding chocolate cake to his kids for breakfast.  The next question was if I thought Bill Cosby was really a pedophile.  Immediate response was No, he was a rapist; all of the women he raped were adults.  The guy then wanted to know if I thought it was all a “conspiracy theory.”  I don’t believe so and it made me frustrated to hear people think that.  When you have more than 35 women come forward with their stories, at what point do you finally believe them?  Should it even take more than one?  And then to have Cosby admit that he gave women Quaaludes to make them more pliable for sex.  Really?  And you still doubt them??  He seemed surprised by these facts.

The conversation then lead into consent and the mentality of sex then versus now.  He felt today’s society was more “prudish.”  This was his example of why.

Back then, a woman would smile at a man across the bar and he would think she was interested.  He’d come over to talk, see if anything connected, and maybe go home together.  Nowadays, if a woman smiles and you come over to talk to her, she’ll just lose her shit at you.  Tell you how dare you come over and assume she was interested.  It can go into ruining her evening and just all out of proportion.

This comparison doesn’t work because the difference of then versus now was the social support to say “I’m not interested.”  There’s more communication about consent and when it doesn’t happen.  In both cases, the woman may not be interested but back then, it was much more difficult to speak up.  Women would just go along with it.  This is the issue with the women coming forward about Cosby raping them.  Rape wasn’t something you talked about years ago.  Even in my family history, I learned about this social mentality and the effects on those it happens to.  

Yes, but it’s getting blown all out of proportion, he argued.  You know how football players smack each other on the ass after touchdowns?  One day, one of the guys is going to claim sexual assault because one of his teammates smacked him on the ass.  We’re going to have a big, tall football player claiming sexual assault.  This would just look ludicrous!  And my response is Why?  Why is it crazy?  Because he’s supposed to be big and tough?  That sexual assault only happens to women?  Men, women, anyone can be sexually assaulted.  It doesn’t have to be just sex; it can be touching and making lewd comments.  We don’t hear about rape, outside of it happening to women, very often but it does still happen.  Consent is universal.  And socially acceptable behavior does not equal right behavior.   I don’t believe society is becoming more prudish.  Rather, I believe the conversation about consent and being supported to be vocal when consent isn’t given has changed.  

I found a book written in the 60’s called The Art of Kissing.  It was geared towards instruction for males on how to kiss and included a rather disturbing section on how to first kiss a girl.  As the evening was ending, you should get the girl on the couch and position it so she is on the end so as to better keep her from getting up once you make your intentions known.  (I swear I’m not making this up.  I’ve read this section to so many friends, I practically have it memorized)  Find a way to position your arm over the back of the couch and down to her shoulders.  Use the typical yawn move or adjust the seat cushion. (and now for the kicker)  When you try to kiss a girl and she tries to get up, don’t worry.  Simply guide her back down to the couch and make your intentions clear.  If she tries to get up and cries out, don’t worry.  If she tries to get up, cries out, and starts to scratch at you, then start to worry.  This girl is not to be trifled with.  (And not because she’s not interested in kissing or any other sexual activity, oh no!)  This kind of girl still thinks babies are a result of kissing and isn’t ready to kiss.  

::face palm::

Is it really a surprise then, with material like this circulating, that women didn’t come forward about being raped?  And something like this doesn’t just go away.  It sticks with you.  Along with all the self-doubt, wondering if you had it coming.  If you could have done something different to stop it.  To be able to share your story takes so much courage because even with all the progress we’ve made, people are still met with victim-blaming and doubt.

I remember the first time a guy touched me inappropriately.  I was 14 and walking with my friend at a teen night event at the local amusement park.  A guy walked up behind us, grabbing my ass and putting his hand down my friend’s shirt.  He tried to talk with us, but we ran off and found my brother.  We told the police and I believe they talked to the guy, but nothing went beyond that point.  I remember crying; I felt so dirty.  And I kept wondering if I’d somehow been asking for it.  Had my clothes been too revealing?  I had been wearing jeans and a spaghetti strap top with the American flag on it.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned how to “protect” myself.  Carrying around pepper spray.  Putting keys between my fingers to use as a weapon when walking to my car.  Knowing that a pair of heels can be scraped down the shin if I get grabbed from behind.  Not making eye contact or in any way acknowledging catcalls or whistles.  Understanding that walking away is sometimes better when someone tries to cop a feel.  Laughing and smiling until I can get away because it’s safer than straight up saying No.  Pretending to have a boyfriend because it’s the only way some will back off.

Sometimes I stop and think Why did I need to learn these things?  How did I learn them?  Who taught me?  From a self defense class in Girl Scouts.  From a friend’s boyfriend who didn’t like the neighborhood I was living in.  From conversations with other women.  From social media.  From people-watching.  From personal experience.  And each of these lessons came with a price.

A few months ago I learned another lesson.  I free wrote a short paragraph afterwards and this is what came out.

A lot of times I let it brush off with the comments, but we'd as a group (several older gentlemen....or at least I thought they were) got into talking about how women are treated.  And how they should be given respect but aren't always treated as such.  And it was a shame and how can things change?  And then later one whispered how he had just one thing he'd like to know.  "how I tasted and if he'd get a chance."  He's married and traveling with his wife and a daughter a little younger than me.  And when another guy arrived (about my age) who was drunk and getting a bit belligerent, I saw them talking together.  I thought the older man was trying to calm the young one down.  Instead I heard him trying to coach the guy on how to get with me.  The guy also has a girlfriend.  A wonderful gal who later showed up looking for him because he'd just disappeared from their bungalow.  Anyway, hearing the older guy tell him things like "if you don't want to get with her, then I will." and "just look at her, you know what that's for?"  I just felt so dirty.  Called them out on it after everyone had left and it didn't perturb them at all.  Told them I could hear them and that I wasn't a piece of meat and they both have their partners waiting for them back at their rooms.  So torn with wanting to rip into them but they're guests here and while it doesn't excuse the behavior, I didn’t know if I could count on the support of my boss and not wanting to make a scene.  Realizing I wish I could have torn them a new one but calmly and I was just so hurt and angry.

My first year at Burning Man, there was an art installation called Truth is Beauty by Marco Cochrane.  It was this beautiful statue of a woman arching her back.  Around the base of the statue (she was more than 50 feet tall) was the question “What would the world be like if all women were safe?” written in many different languages.  There was a podium in front with a book of blank pages.  People had written their thoughts on the piece and the message it gave.  Me, I just sat on the Playa dust and stared up at her or at the foot of her, well...feet and watched her body change to different colors in the darkness.  What WOULD the world be like if all women were safe?  If we felt safe and confident enough to walk down a street with our heads held high but not surrounded by ice in our every step?  If we could dress however we wanted simply because it makes us feel beautiful and not second guessing if others will read it as an open invitation.   If we could just be present at any given moment and not constantly monitoring if the surroundings are safe, if the men around us could overpower us, if our words or actions could be misconstrued, if anyone would help should we need it.  If we as women could own into our power and not feel the need to stifle parts of ourselves because they are viewed as too forward, too unfeminine, too strong, just Too.

Photo Property of Kira Zebroski

What would the world be like if all women were safe?

And how do we make that happen?

And here are some links to articles I've found very helpful in stimulating a conversation:

Next Time Someone Says Women are Victims of Harassment, Show Them This

The Thing All Women Do That You Don't Know About